I jokingly posted a status update on my Facebook account wishing to be given Cheryl Cole this Christmas, which reminded me of something a lady said to me at a party some years ago.
I was in my 20’s and I thought I’d draw on this ladies experience (she was in her 40’s) and was known for her wisdom (she could read palms too!), so I asked her what she thought my chances were with a beautiful girl I had been engaging with earlier.
She said “Be careful what you wish for!” with a wry smile.
It stopped me dead in my tracks.
What did she mean “Be careful…”? How could anything bad come out of wanting to be with someone I was attracted to.
Then she went on to explain that we makes “wishes” a lot in our lives, sometimes when we feel good, sometimes when we feel sad or depressed and sometimes these wishes are just a response to a situation.
How many times when be told off as a child by a parent or teacher and thought “I hate you!” and not mean it and felt bad afterwards.
Luckily, our unconscious mind generally ignores single requests like this and responds when we have consistently and emotionally requested something. This is why habits are difficult to change without Hypnosis or Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP).
Also this lady went on to explain that when we wish for something not to happen, we also create an attraction to it. For example if I say to you “Don’t think of a blue bus now!”, you have to think of it, then un-think it.
I remember this happening to me when I trained most days with weights or boxing because of a fear of violence I had, but because I was making pictures in my mind of what I didn’t what to happen I seemed to attract these situations.
Now I create pictures of the things I want and create matching positive affirmative internal dialogue. If I catch myself thinking negatively I change it as quickly as I can, this takes practice and I’m still working on it, but the dividends it pays make it worth while.
So this Christmas I urge you “Be careful what you wish for!”, think positively and have the most fantastic Christmas ever!
Oh yes, my wish did come true.
Merry Christmas!
Nick
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Prison Inmates
Locked up in a prison in North Vietnam for 7 long and arduous years American Major, James Nesmeth decided to use his time differently. Rather than focus on the harsh conditions of his incarceration and allow his bleak and harrowing existence to engulf his thoughts, he decided to take control of his mind.
Every single day for four hours, he closed his eyes and imagined in vivid detail that he was at his country golf club. He included every detail; visually (sight) – from the interior colours and design of the club house, to the different shades of green of the grass on the fairway. Auditarily (sound) – the swishing sound of each club being drawn from the bag, to the gentle rustling of the wind I the trees. Kinaesthetically (feeling) – the feel of the grip of his favourite driver to the feeling of his feet inside his golfing shoes. Olfactarily (smell) – the smell of the freshly cut grass to the scent of the leather of his golfing bag. Gustatorarily (taste) – he even imagined the taste change in his saliva with the anticipation of his sporting enjoyment.
He imagined this experience in every detail as if it were real, the drive to the clubhouse, the banter with his sporting colleagues, the walk to the first tee and the practise swings before taking each shot. Over 7 years he invested approximately 10220 hours of mental rehearsall, never leaving any detail out.
When he was released from prison, he had a real desire to return to his golf club and play “another” round of golf. In his first “real” game of golf for 7 years he scored an amazing 74!
Apart from proving that mental rehearsal is as effective (if not more) and assists physical practise, it also demonstrates what happens when we control our own minds rather than letting it control us.
The interesting thing for me is that a lot of clients I see are trapped in their own “prisons”, surrounded by concrete walls and bars of negativity, self doubt and low self esteem. There is nothing physical stopping them from making changes, just that critical parental voice telling them the downsides and pitfalls of any lofty ideas they may have to improve their lives.
Whenever we move forward and break out of that old comfort zone our internal parent seeks to protect us by warning us of what can go wrong and making it easier for us to slip back into the quilt-like warmth of our old behaviours. It’s essentially installed as a safety mechanism, but because of the government and media we live in fear and this safety switch is triggered far too soon.
It’s not a weakness to ask for help in developing yourself, even though those we have voted into power have stigmatized this kind of assistance and made people feel broken or abnormal, which is simply not true.
On my journey I didn’t have anyone like myself to help me, so I invested (and still do) massive amounts of time in learning about the mind; reading books, listening to audio CDs and watching DVDs on Psychology, Hypnosis, Neuro Linguistic Programming, anything to do with how our brains work.
I feel very lucky that I have put myself in a position to help those people who have the courage to look for help. I know exactly what it’s like, having escaped my own metaphoric “prisons” many times and I’m sure there will be many more to come as I keep pushing forward and developing myself.
One essential ingredient that is inherent in every successful person I’ve ever met is tenacity, a complete 100% resolution to one successful outcome, no back door, no plan B.
And remember, if you feel you can’t do it alone there are people out there that can help you.
Enjoy your week!
Take care,
Nick
Every single day for four hours, he closed his eyes and imagined in vivid detail that he was at his country golf club. He included every detail; visually (sight) – from the interior colours and design of the club house, to the different shades of green of the grass on the fairway. Auditarily (sound) – the swishing sound of each club being drawn from the bag, to the gentle rustling of the wind I the trees. Kinaesthetically (feeling) – the feel of the grip of his favourite driver to the feeling of his feet inside his golfing shoes. Olfactarily (smell) – the smell of the freshly cut grass to the scent of the leather of his golfing bag. Gustatorarily (taste) – he even imagined the taste change in his saliva with the anticipation of his sporting enjoyment.
He imagined this experience in every detail as if it were real, the drive to the clubhouse, the banter with his sporting colleagues, the walk to the first tee and the practise swings before taking each shot. Over 7 years he invested approximately 10220 hours of mental rehearsall, never leaving any detail out.
When he was released from prison, he had a real desire to return to his golf club and play “another” round of golf. In his first “real” game of golf for 7 years he scored an amazing 74!
Apart from proving that mental rehearsal is as effective (if not more) and assists physical practise, it also demonstrates what happens when we control our own minds rather than letting it control us.
The interesting thing for me is that a lot of clients I see are trapped in their own “prisons”, surrounded by concrete walls and bars of negativity, self doubt and low self esteem. There is nothing physical stopping them from making changes, just that critical parental voice telling them the downsides and pitfalls of any lofty ideas they may have to improve their lives.
Whenever we move forward and break out of that old comfort zone our internal parent seeks to protect us by warning us of what can go wrong and making it easier for us to slip back into the quilt-like warmth of our old behaviours. It’s essentially installed as a safety mechanism, but because of the government and media we live in fear and this safety switch is triggered far too soon.
It’s not a weakness to ask for help in developing yourself, even though those we have voted into power have stigmatized this kind of assistance and made people feel broken or abnormal, which is simply not true.
On my journey I didn’t have anyone like myself to help me, so I invested (and still do) massive amounts of time in learning about the mind; reading books, listening to audio CDs and watching DVDs on Psychology, Hypnosis, Neuro Linguistic Programming, anything to do with how our brains work.
I feel very lucky that I have put myself in a position to help those people who have the courage to look for help. I know exactly what it’s like, having escaped my own metaphoric “prisons” many times and I’m sure there will be many more to come as I keep pushing forward and developing myself.
One essential ingredient that is inherent in every successful person I’ve ever met is tenacity, a complete 100% resolution to one successful outcome, no back door, no plan B.
And remember, if you feel you can’t do it alone there are people out there that can help you.
Enjoy your week!
Take care,
Nick
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Look for the Gold
Yesterday was a really good day for me.
I helped a few people with hypnotherapy and NLP, I was also working with two guys I respect in my field on a couple of projects for the New Year and my marketing assistant was all revved up and looking for new business opportunities.
To make this even better, I received an email from a discus thrower I had worked with called Kevin Brown who had won his third gold medal in October! He had sent me a photograph of the newspaper article dedicating his success to my Hypnosis sessions (picture attached). I was so pleased because this goal meant so much to him and he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, but also was touched by his kindness in not only saying I had helped him but sending a picture of the article to me.
I put the article on Facebook and was checking the “Newsfeed” (I’m still not sure how that works? LOL) when I noticed a “Sports Mind Coach” had set up a group site so I thought I’d take a look. As I began reading the page I noticed the words had once again, (he’d done this on his website previously), been taken directly from my Sports Psychology website http://www.ndsp.co.uk/ and I found myself getting annoyed. Anyone who knows me knows the amount time and effort I have spent over the last 4 years developing my website, skills and products, helping hundreds of sports people (mostly boxers), which I am extremely proud of.
My mood had changed because my intellectual property had been stolen by someone who had done this in the past…I felt annoyed, why would anyone do this?
But then something happened!
An unconscious insight came to me and I asked myself “Why does this matter to me?”
I looked into the situation a little more; this guy had little or no experience, no testimonials or any measurable results from sportsmen or women and had difficulty talking in public.
I laughed to myself as I thought if he’s copying my stuff word for word it must be good! It’s rather like a child wears a football top with his favourite players name on it because he wants to be like him. And in boxing terms it would be like Manny Pacquiao getting annoyed by a journeyman boxer who was telling everyone he was the best, so I began to see it in a different perspective.
I thought once again about how great my life was because of the hard work I had put in…
…and I felt brilliant again.
On the road to success you will experience a few “bumps”, it’s how we react to these that affects the way we feel and how much success we have.
David Beckham recently said about his difficult time with LA Galaxy "There's never a smooth road. There are always a few bumps along the way and there has been. But that's kind of been my career. There have always been ups and downs - more ups than downs but that's the way it is, that's life."
What keeps me motivated and inspired is having the mindset that my successes are the result of my skills and hard work, rather than accidents or freak occurrences.
Stuff happens, people do things and circumstances happen that disrupt your plans. I understand this will always happen so I look for the “Gold” in every situation. When I say Gold, I mean the positive insight or message.
Say to yourself “How can I view this situation in a way that will help me learn something or feel differently?”
Emotions are just energy, if you are using that energy to feel bad, it can also be used to feel good or to take action to do something that makes you feel good.
So whenever you are faced with a challenge…
…Look for the Gold!
Have a great day!
Nick
If you feel this newsletter will help a friend or colleague, please forward it onto them. You can have this newsletter delivered to your email address by typing http://www.ndhypnotherapy.com/ into your browser, clicking on “Contact me” and typing in your email address and writing “Newsletter” in the subject heading.
I helped a few people with hypnotherapy and NLP, I was also working with two guys I respect in my field on a couple of projects for the New Year and my marketing assistant was all revved up and looking for new business opportunities.
To make this even better, I received an email from a discus thrower I had worked with called Kevin Brown who had won his third gold medal in October! He had sent me a photograph of the newspaper article dedicating his success to my Hypnosis sessions (picture attached). I was so pleased because this goal meant so much to him and he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, but also was touched by his kindness in not only saying I had helped him but sending a picture of the article to me.
I put the article on Facebook and was checking the “Newsfeed” (I’m still not sure how that works? LOL) when I noticed a “Sports Mind Coach” had set up a group site so I thought I’d take a look. As I began reading the page I noticed the words had once again, (he’d done this on his website previously), been taken directly from my Sports Psychology website http://www.ndsp.co.uk/ and I found myself getting annoyed. Anyone who knows me knows the amount time and effort I have spent over the last 4 years developing my website, skills and products, helping hundreds of sports people (mostly boxers), which I am extremely proud of.
My mood had changed because my intellectual property had been stolen by someone who had done this in the past…I felt annoyed, why would anyone do this?
But then something happened!
An unconscious insight came to me and I asked myself “Why does this matter to me?”
I looked into the situation a little more; this guy had little or no experience, no testimonials or any measurable results from sportsmen or women and had difficulty talking in public.
I laughed to myself as I thought if he’s copying my stuff word for word it must be good! It’s rather like a child wears a football top with his favourite players name on it because he wants to be like him. And in boxing terms it would be like Manny Pacquiao getting annoyed by a journeyman boxer who was telling everyone he was the best, so I began to see it in a different perspective.
I thought once again about how great my life was because of the hard work I had put in…
…and I felt brilliant again.
On the road to success you will experience a few “bumps”, it’s how we react to these that affects the way we feel and how much success we have.
David Beckham recently said about his difficult time with LA Galaxy "There's never a smooth road. There are always a few bumps along the way and there has been. But that's kind of been my career. There have always been ups and downs - more ups than downs but that's the way it is, that's life."
What keeps me motivated and inspired is having the mindset that my successes are the result of my skills and hard work, rather than accidents or freak occurrences.
Stuff happens, people do things and circumstances happen that disrupt your plans. I understand this will always happen so I look for the “Gold” in every situation. When I say Gold, I mean the positive insight or message.
Say to yourself “How can I view this situation in a way that will help me learn something or feel differently?”
Emotions are just energy, if you are using that energy to feel bad, it can also be used to feel good or to take action to do something that makes you feel good.
So whenever you are faced with a challenge…
…Look for the Gold!
Have a great day!
Nick
If you feel this newsletter will help a friend or colleague, please forward it onto them. You can have this newsletter delivered to your email address by typing http://www.ndhypnotherapy.com/ into your browser, clicking on “Contact me” and typing in your email address and writing “Newsletter” in the subject heading.
Thursday, 22 October 2009
Fight or Flight...or Freeze?
Have you ever noticed that when you try to do something new, a new sport or hobby, speaking in front of people or approaching someone you find attractive, your body reacts in a certain way that can make you feel uncomfortable?
I worked with a young man recently who wanted to improve his confidence so he could find a girlfriend and share his life with her. The problem he found was that when he found somebody attractive, his whole body froze, including his ability to talk.
Now this is more common than you think. People, including therapists, often forget that the stress response includes “Freeze” as well as “Fight or Flight”. This is an area that really interests me as a proportion of my work involves working with boxers, who literally deal with the threat of being physically hurt every time they step into the ring.
So why would the body create a “Freeze” response? Well, its true name is “Animal Hypnosis” and its response is to stay perfectly still so as not to pose a threat in order for the aggressor not to notice the person or choose a more challenging victim.
Is it useful? I don’t think so, you could site exceptional circumstances, but in everyday life it limits our choices and that creates more stress.
So what can we do? Well in order to create any emotion or state, certain things have to be happen and most of the time we are not consciously aware of this process. Firstly we make pictures in our mind; secondly we will hear sounds associated with those, including our own internal voice and then there will be a change in our physiology and breathing. These components create our state, which in turn influences the way we behave.
In the example of the young gentleman earlier, he made big pictures of the lady in question rejecting him loudly; he berated himself with his internal voice and consequently his whole muscular system tightened in order to protect him from his perceived outcome.
The funny thing was when I asked him how he would react to asking an old lady the time, he smiled and said “That’s easy!” and I noticed his whole body soften and he stood taller.
So what was different? The pictures he made were of the old lady responding positively to him in a warm tone, didn’t notice any negative chatter in his mind and he breathed softly and his muscles were relaxed.
Remember, it’s important to focus on what you DO want, NOT what you don’t.
Kindest regards,
Nick
I worked with a young man recently who wanted to improve his confidence so he could find a girlfriend and share his life with her. The problem he found was that when he found somebody attractive, his whole body froze, including his ability to talk.
Now this is more common than you think. People, including therapists, often forget that the stress response includes “Freeze” as well as “Fight or Flight”. This is an area that really interests me as a proportion of my work involves working with boxers, who literally deal with the threat of being physically hurt every time they step into the ring.
So why would the body create a “Freeze” response? Well, its true name is “Animal Hypnosis” and its response is to stay perfectly still so as not to pose a threat in order for the aggressor not to notice the person or choose a more challenging victim.
Is it useful? I don’t think so, you could site exceptional circumstances, but in everyday life it limits our choices and that creates more stress.
So what can we do? Well in order to create any emotion or state, certain things have to be happen and most of the time we are not consciously aware of this process. Firstly we make pictures in our mind; secondly we will hear sounds associated with those, including our own internal voice and then there will be a change in our physiology and breathing. These components create our state, which in turn influences the way we behave.
In the example of the young gentleman earlier, he made big pictures of the lady in question rejecting him loudly; he berated himself with his internal voice and consequently his whole muscular system tightened in order to protect him from his perceived outcome.
The funny thing was when I asked him how he would react to asking an old lady the time, he smiled and said “That’s easy!” and I noticed his whole body soften and he stood taller.
So what was different? The pictures he made were of the old lady responding positively to him in a warm tone, didn’t notice any negative chatter in his mind and he breathed softly and his muscles were relaxed.
Remember, it’s important to focus on what you DO want, NOT what you don’t.
Kindest regards,
Nick
Friday, 31 July 2009
Do You Believe in Voodoo?
Do You Believe in Voodoo?
In Alabama one evening, Vance Vaders got into an argument with a local witch doctor in the town’s cemetery. The witch doctor became agitated and waved a strange smelling substance in front of Vance’s nose and told him he was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Vaders became ill and deteriorated quickly, after a few weeks and nearing death his wife contacted a local doctor in desperation and told him of the spell.
Luckily doctor Drayton Doherty was aware of this phenomena, so he planned a way to lift the hex. He told Vance and his wife that he had found the witch doctor and strangled him until he admitted that he had rubbed a lizard’s egg on his stomach causing a lizard to grow inside him and eat him from the inside out.
The doctor injected Vance with a substance to cause him to vomit violently, then took a lizard he had stored in his bag with the dexterity of a magician and seemed to produce this from Vader’s vomit. Vance seemed to go into shock when he saw the lizard and whilst in this state of suggestibility Doherty said “Look what has come out of you Vance, the voodoo curse is lifted!”.
Vaders was clearly shocked and fell into a deep sleep, he woke the next day with a raging hunger, recovered quickly and was discharged after a week.
This story was corroborated by four independent medical health professionals.
Another example is Sam Shoeman who was misdiagnosed with terminal liver cancer in the 1970’s and given a few months to live. Shoeman did die within the predicted timescale, however his autopsy showed that not only was the tumour a lot smaller than he had been diagnosed with, but it was tiny and had not spread at all. Clifton Meador, a doctor at Vanderbilt School of Medicine in Nashville, Tennessee who has documented many cases like this said "He didn't die from cancer, but from believing he was dying of cancer," says Meador. "If everyone treats you as if you are dying, you buy into it. Everything in your whole being becomes about dying."
This is what’s known as the “Nocebo Effect”, the term “Nocebo” which means “I will harm” a negative suggestion which gives rise to an expectation of a certain result.
A funny looking chap dressed in a robe with a necklace made of Aligator teeth, chanting incantations may not spook you into believing his suggestions. But imagine a Doctor with his white coat, stethoscope, certificates of qualification on his wall telling you have a certain condition, would you question it or take it as written in stone?
Our beliefs are very important to the creation of our future.
Most of us are all aware how the “Placebo Effect” works.
When trialing new drugs, they are tested against a control group who are given a substance that has no effect on their health. In all cases some of the control group are shown to make an improvement in whatever condition is being treated.
I am even aware of one person who asked to be kept on the placebo pills as they helped improve his Parkinsons.
So our own beliefs and expectations shape the outcomes we experience in life.
What would it be like if you could consistently think about positive outcomes?
Have a great day!
Nick
In Alabama one evening, Vance Vaders got into an argument with a local witch doctor in the town’s cemetery. The witch doctor became agitated and waved a strange smelling substance in front of Vance’s nose and told him he was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Vaders became ill and deteriorated quickly, after a few weeks and nearing death his wife contacted a local doctor in desperation and told him of the spell.
Luckily doctor Drayton Doherty was aware of this phenomena, so he planned a way to lift the hex. He told Vance and his wife that he had found the witch doctor and strangled him until he admitted that he had rubbed a lizard’s egg on his stomach causing a lizard to grow inside him and eat him from the inside out.
The doctor injected Vance with a substance to cause him to vomit violently, then took a lizard he had stored in his bag with the dexterity of a magician and seemed to produce this from Vader’s vomit. Vance seemed to go into shock when he saw the lizard and whilst in this state of suggestibility Doherty said “Look what has come out of you Vance, the voodoo curse is lifted!”.
Vaders was clearly shocked and fell into a deep sleep, he woke the next day with a raging hunger, recovered quickly and was discharged after a week.
This story was corroborated by four independent medical health professionals.
Another example is Sam Shoeman who was misdiagnosed with terminal liver cancer in the 1970’s and given a few months to live. Shoeman did die within the predicted timescale, however his autopsy showed that not only was the tumour a lot smaller than he had been diagnosed with, but it was tiny and had not spread at all. Clifton Meador, a doctor at Vanderbilt School of Medicine in Nashville, Tennessee who has documented many cases like this said "He didn't die from cancer, but from believing he was dying of cancer," says Meador. "If everyone treats you as if you are dying, you buy into it. Everything in your whole being becomes about dying."
This is what’s known as the “Nocebo Effect”, the term “Nocebo” which means “I will harm” a negative suggestion which gives rise to an expectation of a certain result.
A funny looking chap dressed in a robe with a necklace made of Aligator teeth, chanting incantations may not spook you into believing his suggestions. But imagine a Doctor with his white coat, stethoscope, certificates of qualification on his wall telling you have a certain condition, would you question it or take it as written in stone?
Our beliefs are very important to the creation of our future.
Most of us are all aware how the “Placebo Effect” works.
When trialing new drugs, they are tested against a control group who are given a substance that has no effect on their health. In all cases some of the control group are shown to make an improvement in whatever condition is being treated.
I am even aware of one person who asked to be kept on the placebo pills as they helped improve his Parkinsons.
So our own beliefs and expectations shape the outcomes we experience in life.
What would it be like if you could consistently think about positive outcomes?
Have a great day!
Nick
Monday, 29 June 2009
Achieve Your Dreams
Firstly, allow yourself to relax, get comfortable and make sure you have no distractions. Take a few nice easy breaths in through your mouth, allowing your stomach to move outwards, taking the air right down to the bottom of your lungs. This is called diaphragmatic breathing (do a Google search) and if you master this skill alone and practise it daily, your life will be filled with more peace and happiness than you thought possible.
Now imagine you are sitting comfortable in a magical place, surrounded by all the colours, shades and hues that allow you to feel calm and resourceful, hear some gentle music in the background and feel the comfort of your magical chair.
Imagine in this beautiful scenario that you have been granted a wish that it was now impossible for you to make any mistakes, any problems you face along the way will be met with you unconsciously becoming aware of the solutions and you will continue forward until you reach your goals and dreams?
As you allow your mind to wander, what dreams would you choose to pursue?
When you have allowed yourself to return back to full awareness, write these down immediately in as much detail as you can.
Now write them as if you have achieved them, i.e. “I am slim, healthy and fit”, “I enjoy working for myself as a…”, “I have a beautiful relationship with…”.
It’s important not to focus on achieving your goals constantly and consciously, otherwise apart from suffering burnout, you will suffer ever diminishing returns. It is like planting a seed, if you watch it every day the progress is slow, but if you plant it in the knowledge (visualising the outcome) that it will turn into a beautiful flower, you will notice the stages of development along the way until it brings what you intended. This is often referred to as “Intent and Surrender”, you fully intend your goal or outcome, visualise it, get excited about your desired outcome, commit to it happening and then surrender the thought knowing that it will be delivered to you.
Repeat this process each morning, this will help programme your goals and dreams into your unconscious mind so your resources can be organised in a way to best help you achieve these easily and effectively.
The only caveat with this is to make sure your goal is not too big or distant. It’s important to break your goals down into smaller incremental steps so your unconscious mind is able to utilise the skills and resources you have and bring into your consciousness any you need to develop along the way.
Below each one of your written goals, I would write the answer to these four important questions:
1) What pleasure will I achieve from achieving this goal?
2) What pain will I avoid from achieving this goal?
3) What MUST I do to achieve this goal?
4) What MUST I stop doing to achieve this goal?
Then I would ask myself a final question, to ensure this goal fits in with my values and beliefs.
5) Is there anything negative that could happen when I have achieved this goal, for me or those people who are important to me?
Obviously the answer to this question will tell you if you should set out on the journey towards that particular goal.
Then the most important step of all TAKE ACTION!
Remember every journey begins with a simple step.
I wish you all the very best on your journey!
Kindest regards,
Nick
Now imagine you are sitting comfortable in a magical place, surrounded by all the colours, shades and hues that allow you to feel calm and resourceful, hear some gentle music in the background and feel the comfort of your magical chair.
Imagine in this beautiful scenario that you have been granted a wish that it was now impossible for you to make any mistakes, any problems you face along the way will be met with you unconsciously becoming aware of the solutions and you will continue forward until you reach your goals and dreams?
As you allow your mind to wander, what dreams would you choose to pursue?
When you have allowed yourself to return back to full awareness, write these down immediately in as much detail as you can.
Now write them as if you have achieved them, i.e. “I am slim, healthy and fit”, “I enjoy working for myself as a…”, “I have a beautiful relationship with…”.
It’s important not to focus on achieving your goals constantly and consciously, otherwise apart from suffering burnout, you will suffer ever diminishing returns. It is like planting a seed, if you watch it every day the progress is slow, but if you plant it in the knowledge (visualising the outcome) that it will turn into a beautiful flower, you will notice the stages of development along the way until it brings what you intended. This is often referred to as “Intent and Surrender”, you fully intend your goal or outcome, visualise it, get excited about your desired outcome, commit to it happening and then surrender the thought knowing that it will be delivered to you.
Repeat this process each morning, this will help programme your goals and dreams into your unconscious mind so your resources can be organised in a way to best help you achieve these easily and effectively.
The only caveat with this is to make sure your goal is not too big or distant. It’s important to break your goals down into smaller incremental steps so your unconscious mind is able to utilise the skills and resources you have and bring into your consciousness any you need to develop along the way.
Below each one of your written goals, I would write the answer to these four important questions:
1) What pleasure will I achieve from achieving this goal?
2) What pain will I avoid from achieving this goal?
3) What MUST I do to achieve this goal?
4) What MUST I stop doing to achieve this goal?
Then I would ask myself a final question, to ensure this goal fits in with my values and beliefs.
5) Is there anything negative that could happen when I have achieved this goal, for me or those people who are important to me?
Obviously the answer to this question will tell you if you should set out on the journey towards that particular goal.
Then the most important step of all TAKE ACTION!
Remember every journey begins with a simple step.
I wish you all the very best on your journey!
Kindest regards,
Nick
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Are You Following the Script?
Some people have life scripts (a lot of the time they are unaware of) which they play over and over in their lives causing them pain or discomfort. You may have noticed a friend or colleague saying something like "I've met someone new, this time it'll be different!" and find yourself thinking "Where have I heard this before!" and before too long when things go awry, they'll say "Why does it always happen to me?"
When we are growing up we formulate understandings of patterns of behaviour in order to help us cope and survive in our world that we live in. Sometimes these understandings are influenced, both positively and negatively, by parents, teachers, or other people in a position of perceived authority.
The more significant and emotional the event, the more likely this event is to impact on our adult life if we continue to follow the pattern. In the example I used earlier, the person may have felt proud about achieving something as a child and after seeing one of her friends be shown positive attention, gone to seek recognition from a significant adult. However on this occasion the adult scalded them for bothering them which was not the result the child expected, thus leaving them feeling rejected and confused.
If the child experiences this outcome on other significant emotional occasions it may make an incorrect assumption that nobody loves them or no matter what they do they'll never be good enough, thus forming their negative life script.
Once a life script or pattern of behaviour is formed, the persons unconscious mind will look to replay this pattern each time incorrectly thinking that this is the outcome the person wants. This is why some people manage (unconsciously) to find those people or situation
Fortunately the unconscious mind can be encouraged to change and re-educate itself with new information and learning with the help of some forms of therapy.
In my experience Hypnotherapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming are the fastest and most effective treatment in situations such as these.
Kindest regards,
Nick
I am interested if anyone has any questions or comments on these blogs, so please feel free to leave any comments and let me know your thoughts.
When we are growing up we formulate understandings of patterns of behaviour in order to help us cope and survive in our world that we live in. Sometimes these understandings are influenced, both positively and negatively, by parents, teachers, or other people in a position of perceived authority.
The more significant and emotional the event, the more likely this event is to impact on our adult life if we continue to follow the pattern. In the example I used earlier, the person may have felt proud about achieving something as a child and after seeing one of her friends be shown positive attention, gone to seek recognition from a significant adult. However on this occasion the adult scalded them for bothering them which was not the result the child expected, thus leaving them feeling rejected and confused.
If the child experiences this outcome on other significant emotional occasions it may make an incorrect assumption that nobody loves them or no matter what they do they'll never be good enough, thus forming their negative life script.
Once a life script or pattern of behaviour is formed, the persons unconscious mind will look to replay this pattern each time incorrectly thinking that this is the outcome the person wants. This is why some people manage (unconsciously) to find those people or situation
Fortunately the unconscious mind can be encouraged to change and re-educate itself with new information and learning with the help of some forms of therapy.
In my experience Hypnotherapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming are the fastest and most effective treatment in situations such as these.
Kindest regards,
Nick
I am interested if anyone has any questions or comments on these blogs, so please feel free to leave any comments and let me know your thoughts.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Is There Drama in Your Life?
Do you find yourself in some situations where you almost feel intimidated and bullied by people? Maybe you feel some people are too easily intimidated? Or perhaps you find yourself relentlessly helping people who make bad choices?
Known as the "Drama Triangle", there are three roles that play into personal powerlessness in a type of Psychological "Game".
The “Persecutor” is someone that usually takes an authoritarian stance and has a very critical attitude.
The “Victim” is someone very passive, who seems to just have the worst luck in the world.
The “Rescuer” is someone very nurturing and helpful.
So how do these characters interact in this “Drama Triangle”?
The Persecutor usually blames or criticizes the Victim and takes on the authoritarian stance of a critical parent. The Victim feels oppressed, powerless and helpless but instead of choosing to resolve or remove themselves from the situation, they seek to find a Rescuer in order to perpetuate this position. The Rescuer, normally a person who feels guilty if they do not help others, takes on a nurturing parent role and allows the Victim to enjoy the attention from them, causing a "Secondary Gain".
The Rescuer, now failing in their attempts to help the victim now feels dejected themselves and takes on the role of the Victim, the Victim now criticizing or blaming the (previously) Rescuer now takes on the role of Persecutor.
An important way to move away from this position is to uncover those negative beliefs we may have about ourselves and seek to resolve them. These are usually beliefs we have created about ourselves during childhood or after experiencing a “Significant Emotional Event”.
Analytical Hypnotherapy and Parts Therapy are very effective in dealing with these negative beliefs and can also be used content free, i.e. where the person does not have to discuss the event/s.
Kindest regards,
Nick
Known as the "Drama Triangle", there are three roles that play into personal powerlessness in a type of Psychological "Game".
The “Persecutor” is someone that usually takes an authoritarian stance and has a very critical attitude.
The “Victim” is someone very passive, who seems to just have the worst luck in the world.
The “Rescuer” is someone very nurturing and helpful.
So how do these characters interact in this “Drama Triangle”?
The Persecutor usually blames or criticizes the Victim and takes on the authoritarian stance of a critical parent. The Victim feels oppressed, powerless and helpless but instead of choosing to resolve or remove themselves from the situation, they seek to find a Rescuer in order to perpetuate this position. The Rescuer, normally a person who feels guilty if they do not help others, takes on a nurturing parent role and allows the Victim to enjoy the attention from them, causing a "Secondary Gain".
The Rescuer, now failing in their attempts to help the victim now feels dejected themselves and takes on the role of the Victim, the Victim now criticizing or blaming the (previously) Rescuer now takes on the role of Persecutor.
An important way to move away from this position is to uncover those negative beliefs we may have about ourselves and seek to resolve them. These are usually beliefs we have created about ourselves during childhood or after experiencing a “Significant Emotional Event”.
Analytical Hypnotherapy and Parts Therapy are very effective in dealing with these negative beliefs and can also be used content free, i.e. where the person does not have to discuss the event/s.
Kindest regards,
Nick
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Communication is Everything
We communicate all of the time, even when we are not actually talking.
How often have you seen someone sitting down, shoulders hunched over, head bowed, breathing slowly and deeply?
You don’t need to be a body language expert like me, to know that that person is thinking about something that is causing them to feel down, but it illustrates the point.
We communicate non-verbally through our facial expressions, breathing and posture.
Our thoughts (pictures we make in our mind, sounds/dialogue we can remember and the way we talk to ourselves) and physiology (breathing, posture, muscle tonicity) affect the way we feel and consequently the way we behave or react to situations.
The thoughts we generally have derive from what we have been “feeding” our brains with over the last days, weeks, months and years.
“You can run your car on chip fat!”
I read an article recently about people who were using “chip fat” (Bio-fuel) to run their diesel cars. It sounded great at the beginning, a cheaper environmentally friendly way of refuelling.
However, as I continued to read I found that if the “chip fat” had not been processed correctly (sediment drained and methanol and caustic soda added, kits to do this cost around £700) it could affect the injector and fuel pump, costing £1200 to replace!
There’s an old IT adage I remember from my days at BT as Multimedia Manager…
“Rubbish In = Rubbish Out!”
This is why spending time in the company or positive people, reading a good book or watching a motivating film will make you feel more positive.
You may want to read through this next section first, before doing it.
Take a few slow, easy breaths and allow yourself to relax for a moment. Adjust your posture and clothing to allow you to relax completely.
Now think back to a time when you felt really good about something, could be when you bought a car, met your partner, took up a form of exercise, had a favourite holiday, even the last time you had a really good laugh, whatever pleasure you want to re-experience?
Allow the pictures of that event to develop in your mind…
Notice if there are any sounds that accompany that memory…
Make the pictures bigger and brighter.
Make the sounds richer and clearer.
Now, step into that event, see what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel...
Have fun and really re-experience those wonderful feelings…
Notice where those positive feelings are in your body and if they move or grow…
Notice the type of sensations that you experience, heaviness, lightness, warmth, coolness
, tingling…
Now open your eyes. How do you feel now?
Can we change or control our own States or those of others?
A resounding yes! You just did.
There are things in this text that I have communicated to you that you will be aware of and others that I have left for your unconscious mind to decipher when that moment is right for you.
Communication is everything.
If you chose to take control of this, how much better would you feel?
Have the day you really want…
Kind regards,
Nick Davies
How often have you seen someone sitting down, shoulders hunched over, head bowed, breathing slowly and deeply?
You don’t need to be a body language expert like me, to know that that person is thinking about something that is causing them to feel down, but it illustrates the point.
We communicate non-verbally through our facial expressions, breathing and posture.
Our thoughts (pictures we make in our mind, sounds/dialogue we can remember and the way we talk to ourselves) and physiology (breathing, posture, muscle tonicity) affect the way we feel and consequently the way we behave or react to situations.
The thoughts we generally have derive from what we have been “feeding” our brains with over the last days, weeks, months and years.
“You can run your car on chip fat!”
I read an article recently about people who were using “chip fat” (Bio-fuel) to run their diesel cars. It sounded great at the beginning, a cheaper environmentally friendly way of refuelling.
However, as I continued to read I found that if the “chip fat” had not been processed correctly (sediment drained and methanol and caustic soda added, kits to do this cost around £700) it could affect the injector and fuel pump, costing £1200 to replace!
There’s an old IT adage I remember from my days at BT as Multimedia Manager…
“Rubbish In = Rubbish Out!”
This is why spending time in the company or positive people, reading a good book or watching a motivating film will make you feel more positive.
You may want to read through this next section first, before doing it.
Take a few slow, easy breaths and allow yourself to relax for a moment. Adjust your posture and clothing to allow you to relax completely.
Now think back to a time when you felt really good about something, could be when you bought a car, met your partner, took up a form of exercise, had a favourite holiday, even the last time you had a really good laugh, whatever pleasure you want to re-experience?
Allow the pictures of that event to develop in your mind…
Notice if there are any sounds that accompany that memory…
Make the pictures bigger and brighter.
Make the sounds richer and clearer.
Now, step into that event, see what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel...
Have fun and really re-experience those wonderful feelings…
Notice where those positive feelings are in your body and if they move or grow…
Notice the type of sensations that you experience, heaviness, lightness, warmth, coolness
, tingling…
Now open your eyes. How do you feel now?
Can we change or control our own States or those of others?
A resounding yes! You just did.
There are things in this text that I have communicated to you that you will be aware of and others that I have left for your unconscious mind to decipher when that moment is right for you.
Communication is everything.
If you chose to take control of this, how much better would you feel?
Have the day you really want…
Kind regards,
Nick Davies
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Do You Ever Ask Yourself "Why?"
The key to changing any habit or behaviour to ask yourself “Why?”, more on this in a bit.
I have a friend who told me he would give up smoking to help his best friend, who I had helped to quit smoking with Hypnotherapy.
His motivation for this was admirable, as I explained we are often a product of our influences, the people we mix with, the television we watch, the books, magazines and newspapers we read. So by him giving up, my client would not have the temptation around him.
He decided to do it cold turkey!
Now this is a man with a lot of determination, I could devote a series of newsletters just about the things he has overcome and achieved.
The moment he decided to stop, he did, and never put another cigarette to his lips…
…until…
Three weeks had elapsed and his best friend was well on the way to becoming a healthy non-smoker (once you’ve done it for 28 days you have kicked the habit). So one evening he smoked a cigar when he was out with friends.
He tried to reassure me it was the odd one and he wasn’t buying them, until eventually he began buying packets of them and began smoking again.
I knew this would happen at the outset.
You may ask yourself how I knew?
Three reasons conscious effort, planning and motivation strategies.
Firstly, and this is the reason only 2% of people who diet (Government statistics) lose weight and keep the weight off permanently, he was trying to change his smoking habit “consciously”.
Generally people go back to their old behaviours after 21 to 28 days (if not before) as the “part” of you that smokes/drinks/over eats/stays in a bad relationship etc. protects itself from changing.
It will only change when it is given a new behaviour of equal importance, this is most effectively and elegantly done using “Parts Therapy” whilst a client is in Hypnosis.
So to do this consciously we need a “planning strategy”, i.e. we need to be aware of the difficulties we may face in advance and plan ways we can over come these. In this example, planning for how they would react when offered a cigarette when we’d had a few drinks, or how they would distract themselves from the craving or the feeling of having a cigarette between our fingers.
Lastly, but most importantly we need to ask ourselves “Why?”, why we are changing this habit or behaviour.
We need to create the “motivation strategy”. In this example his motivation was only to support his friend. Once he saw his friend had quit, his motivation disappeared.
In order to do this consciously, we need to create massive PAIN to the old behaviour and massive PLEASURE to the new.
What do I mean?
Okay, in this instance I would get the person to find out all the negative things about smoking. E.g. the poisons contained in tobacco, the fact that one in two people who smoke die from smoking related diseases, the fact it makes you smell awful, and as the guy I helped stop in this example said “It’s not even cool anymore!”.
I would write these things down under “The reasons I HAVE stopped/changed (habit/behaviour) is because…”, including pictures, words and phrases that “speak to you”.
Then I would look for ALL of the positives of the new habit or behaviour, like feeling fitter, saving all that money, clothes and breath smelling fresher, more chance of staying alive.
I would write these things under the heading “The reasons I am COMPLETELY 100% COMMITTED to (new habit/new behaviour) is because…”, including pictures, words and phrases that make you feel good about this change.
It’s harder to change habits consciously than unconsciously i.e. with Hypnotherapy, but following the methods I have written here will give you a better chance than relying on willpower alone.
So if there is something you want to change in your life, I offer this advice for free.
If you have the motivation, but would prefer to work with someone, you can contact me on 024 7667 5520 or fill in a form on the website www.ndhypnotherapy.com/contactme
I wish you all the best on your journey towards whatever you desire.
Take good care,
Nick
I have a friend who told me he would give up smoking to help his best friend, who I had helped to quit smoking with Hypnotherapy.
His motivation for this was admirable, as I explained we are often a product of our influences, the people we mix with, the television we watch, the books, magazines and newspapers we read. So by him giving up, my client would not have the temptation around him.
He decided to do it cold turkey!
Now this is a man with a lot of determination, I could devote a series of newsletters just about the things he has overcome and achieved.
The moment he decided to stop, he did, and never put another cigarette to his lips…
…until…
Three weeks had elapsed and his best friend was well on the way to becoming a healthy non-smoker (once you’ve done it for 28 days you have kicked the habit). So one evening he smoked a cigar when he was out with friends.
He tried to reassure me it was the odd one and he wasn’t buying them, until eventually he began buying packets of them and began smoking again.
I knew this would happen at the outset.
You may ask yourself how I knew?
Three reasons conscious effort, planning and motivation strategies.
Firstly, and this is the reason only 2% of people who diet (Government statistics) lose weight and keep the weight off permanently, he was trying to change his smoking habit “consciously”.
Generally people go back to their old behaviours after 21 to 28 days (if not before) as the “part” of you that smokes/drinks/over eats/stays in a bad relationship etc. protects itself from changing.
It will only change when it is given a new behaviour of equal importance, this is most effectively and elegantly done using “Parts Therapy” whilst a client is in Hypnosis.
So to do this consciously we need a “planning strategy”, i.e. we need to be aware of the difficulties we may face in advance and plan ways we can over come these. In this example, planning for how they would react when offered a cigarette when we’d had a few drinks, or how they would distract themselves from the craving or the feeling of having a cigarette between our fingers.
Lastly, but most importantly we need to ask ourselves “Why?”, why we are changing this habit or behaviour.
We need to create the “motivation strategy”. In this example his motivation was only to support his friend. Once he saw his friend had quit, his motivation disappeared.
In order to do this consciously, we need to create massive PAIN to the old behaviour and massive PLEASURE to the new.
What do I mean?
Okay, in this instance I would get the person to find out all the negative things about smoking. E.g. the poisons contained in tobacco, the fact that one in two people who smoke die from smoking related diseases, the fact it makes you smell awful, and as the guy I helped stop in this example said “It’s not even cool anymore!”.
I would write these things down under “The reasons I HAVE stopped/changed (habit/behaviour) is because…”, including pictures, words and phrases that “speak to you”.
Then I would look for ALL of the positives of the new habit or behaviour, like feeling fitter, saving all that money, clothes and breath smelling fresher, more chance of staying alive.
I would write these things under the heading “The reasons I am COMPLETELY 100% COMMITTED to (new habit/new behaviour) is because…”, including pictures, words and phrases that make you feel good about this change.
It’s harder to change habits consciously than unconsciously i.e. with Hypnotherapy, but following the methods I have written here will give you a better chance than relying on willpower alone.
So if there is something you want to change in your life, I offer this advice for free.
If you have the motivation, but would prefer to work with someone, you can contact me on 024 7667 5520 or fill in a form on the website www.ndhypnotherapy.com/contactme
I wish you all the best on your journey towards whatever you desire.
Take good care,
Nick
Thursday, 26 March 2009
“That Kind of Behaviour Irritates Me…”
Have you ever found yourself witnessing somebody else behaving in a manner that causes you to feel irritated, angry or stressed? Maybe saying things like…
“He’s winding me up!”
“Is she doing that on purpose?”
“I’m going to say something in a minute!”
Often completely absorbed by their annoying conduct, unable to focus on anything else?
One official psychological explanation would is…
“In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism where a person’s personal attributes, unacceptable or unwanted thoughts, and/or emotions are ascribed onto another person or people. Projection occurs when a person’s own unacceptable or threatening feelings are repressed and then attributed to someone else.”
[Wade, Tavris, Psychology, Prentice Hall, 2000]
In simpler terms, our personality is made up of lots of mini personalities, i.e. Karen the wife, Karen the employee, Karen the mother, Karen out with friends etc. and we are the sum of these “Parts”. Each “Part” of our personality protects itself from changing its behaviour as it is working for us on some level, providing an often short term positive outcome. Because the “Part” does not want to let go of this positive intention it will resist change and one way is to deny its very existence and project it on to someone else.
It’s a bit like a School child throwing something at the Teachers back and blaming another pupil when challenged.
When you notice yourself reacting to someone’s behaviour, take a few diaphragmatic breaths and then ask yourself the following…
“When in my life have I behaved in this way?”
And wait for the answers to come.
Becoming aware of behaviours or “Parts” we would like to change often results in a feeling of lethargy, shoulders shrugged forward, followed by a big sigh, with possibly a feeling of sadness. Again, another protection mechanism.
Knowing you have an undesirable “Part” or behaviour only takes you 50% of the way there.
So how can we change it?
There are two ways…
The first is to acknowledge each time you experience the annoyance in other peoples behaviour and take a few diaphragmatic breaths in order to allow you to reach a more analytical state, rather than allowing the part to follow the sequence of events it usually does leaving you feeling stressed or angry. Acknowledge the times you have behaved in this way.
Become aware of the sensations it creates in your body.
Where is it located?
Does it move?
What are the sensations like, warm, cool, heavy, light, tingling?
Then ask yourself, in this relaxed state, what this “Part” of you is trying to achieve for you?
If it’s an angry part it may be trying to keep people away from you to protect you from even more stress?
After doing this a few times she should have a level of enlightenment over the “Part” or behaviour and your unconscious mind will begin to look for new ways to change. Research shows that in order to permanently change it will take around 21 interventions of this type.
The second way would be to seek the intervention of a professional therapist and coach, like me, and work with “Parts Therapy”.
Remember life is a mirror, what we see is usually a reflection of ourselves.
Have a fantastic weekend!
Kind regards,
Nick
“He’s winding me up!”
“Is she doing that on purpose?”
“I’m going to say something in a minute!”
Often completely absorbed by their annoying conduct, unable to focus on anything else?
One official psychological explanation would is…
“In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism where a person’s personal attributes, unacceptable or unwanted thoughts, and/or emotions are ascribed onto another person or people. Projection occurs when a person’s own unacceptable or threatening feelings are repressed and then attributed to someone else.”
[Wade, Tavris, Psychology, Prentice Hall, 2000]
In simpler terms, our personality is made up of lots of mini personalities, i.e. Karen the wife, Karen the employee, Karen the mother, Karen out with friends etc. and we are the sum of these “Parts”. Each “Part” of our personality protects itself from changing its behaviour as it is working for us on some level, providing an often short term positive outcome. Because the “Part” does not want to let go of this positive intention it will resist change and one way is to deny its very existence and project it on to someone else.
It’s a bit like a School child throwing something at the Teachers back and blaming another pupil when challenged.
When you notice yourself reacting to someone’s behaviour, take a few diaphragmatic breaths and then ask yourself the following…
“When in my life have I behaved in this way?”
And wait for the answers to come.
Becoming aware of behaviours or “Parts” we would like to change often results in a feeling of lethargy, shoulders shrugged forward, followed by a big sigh, with possibly a feeling of sadness. Again, another protection mechanism.
Knowing you have an undesirable “Part” or behaviour only takes you 50% of the way there.
So how can we change it?
There are two ways…
The first is to acknowledge each time you experience the annoyance in other peoples behaviour and take a few diaphragmatic breaths in order to allow you to reach a more analytical state, rather than allowing the part to follow the sequence of events it usually does leaving you feeling stressed or angry. Acknowledge the times you have behaved in this way.
Become aware of the sensations it creates in your body.
Where is it located?
Does it move?
What are the sensations like, warm, cool, heavy, light, tingling?
Then ask yourself, in this relaxed state, what this “Part” of you is trying to achieve for you?
If it’s an angry part it may be trying to keep people away from you to protect you from even more stress?
After doing this a few times she should have a level of enlightenment over the “Part” or behaviour and your unconscious mind will begin to look for new ways to change. Research shows that in order to permanently change it will take around 21 interventions of this type.
The second way would be to seek the intervention of a professional therapist and coach, like me, and work with “Parts Therapy”.
Remember life is a mirror, what we see is usually a reflection of ourselves.
Have a fantastic weekend!
Kind regards,
Nick
"Are You Just Floating Along?"
Sometimes people come and see me and say things like…
“I never thought my life would be like this!”
“How did I get into this mess?”
“Where did I go wrong?”
“I used to feel much happier?”
People are like boats floating in the ocean…
Some boats choose to bob about in the water and let the changing currents decide their destination. These vessels generally tend to regret this decision when they become washed up against the rocks and far away from the sunny beaches they would have preferred.
Other boats, plot their destination, check they have the right fuel and set off for distant lands, not fully knowing exactly what it will be like when they get there. These ships learn how to travel great distances and change course if the lands they discover are not to their liking.
If I continue with this nautical metaphor, a Life Coach is like your navigator, someone who can help you decide on where you want to travel, what you will need to get there and how to start and continue the journey through the occasional storm.
Are you sailing in the wrong direction, been washed up on the beach of unhappiness or hit the rocks of worry or sadness?
Life Coaching could really help you by plotting a course to help you travel towards your dream destination.
“I never thought my life would be like this!”
“How did I get into this mess?”
“Where did I go wrong?”
“I used to feel much happier?”
People are like boats floating in the ocean…
Some boats choose to bob about in the water and let the changing currents decide their destination. These vessels generally tend to regret this decision when they become washed up against the rocks and far away from the sunny beaches they would have preferred.
Other boats, plot their destination, check they have the right fuel and set off for distant lands, not fully knowing exactly what it will be like when they get there. These ships learn how to travel great distances and change course if the lands they discover are not to their liking.
If I continue with this nautical metaphor, a Life Coach is like your navigator, someone who can help you decide on where you want to travel, what you will need to get there and how to start and continue the journey through the occasional storm.
Are you sailing in the wrong direction, been washed up on the beach of unhappiness or hit the rocks of worry or sadness?
Life Coaching could really help you by plotting a course to help you travel towards your dream destination.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Turning Pain into Relief
There are times in life when circumstances or the way we deal with these situations can cause us great emotional and even physical pain. Sometimes it’s our lack of energy that can make often simple distractions into significant challenges.
How can we turn this pain into relief?
The first thing we need to do, as soon as this becomes possible, is to remove ourselves from the stresses of the environment to somewhere quiet and sedate.
What if I have a house full of kids/noisy environment and nowhere to go?
People will always make excuses if they don’t want to change. We all have somewhere quieter to go; there are public libraries in our towns and cities, parks and other places within walking distance that we can escape from these external stressors. Heck, I’ve even worked with people in my car, including taking them into trance!
So once we’ve escaped the external stressors we need to work on the things that are affecting us internally.
How can I do this on my own?
Get a pen and paper and write down the things that are causing you pain or discomfort, write them ALL down and write how they make you feel.
There is something magical that happens when thoughts are transferred onto paper, they look and seem slightly different, we find another perspective on them. You may also be crossing one or two of after realising that maybe they are not things that bother you now you have acknowledged them.
So what do I do next?
Firstly allow yourself to become comfortable, allow yourself to relax your major muscle groups and take a few diaphragmatic breaths. When you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in relaxation and when you breathe out, imagine stress and tension leaving your body.
Look at each of your perceived problems and ask yourself these questions:
1) Am I blaming anyone for these issues? (If you are you are giving away your power to change them)
2) Am I able to take responsibility for how I may have been partly responsible for creating these issues? (Taking responsibility allows you to take back your personal power)
3) What are the lessons I must learn from these situations (This allow you to grow and update your knowledge to avoid making any similar mistakes)
4) How can I look at these situations differently now, in order to help me feel more positive about myself and my life? (Allow the learning to settle into your very core)
5) What can I do differently now, in order to move forward towards the things I WANT in my life? (Give yourself a map, a direction for future comfort)
6) What will I plan to do over the coming days and weeks in order to not only make me (and those important to me) feel better but to allow myself to move towards the things I want to achieve in my life.
Invest in yourself…
Kind regards,
Nick
If you feel this newsletter will help a friend or colleague, please forward it onto them. You can have this newsletter delivered to your email address by typing www.ndhypnotherapy.com into your browser, clicking on “Contact me” and typing in your email address and writing “Newsletter” in the subject heading.
How can we turn this pain into relief?
The first thing we need to do, as soon as this becomes possible, is to remove ourselves from the stresses of the environment to somewhere quiet and sedate.
What if I have a house full of kids/noisy environment and nowhere to go?
People will always make excuses if they don’t want to change. We all have somewhere quieter to go; there are public libraries in our towns and cities, parks and other places within walking distance that we can escape from these external stressors. Heck, I’ve even worked with people in my car, including taking them into trance!
So once we’ve escaped the external stressors we need to work on the things that are affecting us internally.
How can I do this on my own?
Get a pen and paper and write down the things that are causing you pain or discomfort, write them ALL down and write how they make you feel.
There is something magical that happens when thoughts are transferred onto paper, they look and seem slightly different, we find another perspective on them. You may also be crossing one or two of after realising that maybe they are not things that bother you now you have acknowledged them.
So what do I do next?
Firstly allow yourself to become comfortable, allow yourself to relax your major muscle groups and take a few diaphragmatic breaths. When you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in relaxation and when you breathe out, imagine stress and tension leaving your body.
Look at each of your perceived problems and ask yourself these questions:
1) Am I blaming anyone for these issues? (If you are you are giving away your power to change them)
2) Am I able to take responsibility for how I may have been partly responsible for creating these issues? (Taking responsibility allows you to take back your personal power)
3) What are the lessons I must learn from these situations (This allow you to grow and update your knowledge to avoid making any similar mistakes)
4) How can I look at these situations differently now, in order to help me feel more positive about myself and my life? (Allow the learning to settle into your very core)
5) What can I do differently now, in order to move forward towards the things I WANT in my life? (Give yourself a map, a direction for future comfort)
6) What will I plan to do over the coming days and weeks in order to not only make me (and those important to me) feel better but to allow myself to move towards the things I want to achieve in my life.
Invest in yourself…
Kind regards,
Nick
If you feel this newsletter will help a friend or colleague, please forward it onto them. You can have this newsletter delivered to your email address by typing www.ndhypnotherapy.com into your browser, clicking on “Contact me” and typing in your email address and writing “Newsletter” in the subject heading.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Let it snow, let it snow...
It's funny how people can interpret an event or occurrence completely differently, let us take the recent snowfall for example.
We have all experienced the blanketing of our neighbourhoods in the white stuff of late, changing the familiar look and feel of our local area.
I talked to a couple of people yesterday about the snowfall.
One a Mother who recounted how she and her daughter had snuggled up to listen to the radio together, she smiled as she told me of her daughters eyes filled with the excitement of possibly having an extra day off School. The other a businessman who told me of his worries about the problems at work, due to delivery problems and staffing shortages. Two completely different experiences.
I personally I find it very refreshing to look at the brightness of my environment, inhale the freshness of the air and hear and feel the crunch of the snow beneath my feet. Sure, it has impacted on a couple of clients being unable to make their appointments, but I always find snow has an innocence about it, a freshness that allows me to think clearly and positively.
Our behaviour, or the way we react to certain situations is based on our “State”.
Our state is governed by the things that are going on in us internally; the pictures and sounds we make in our minds (including internal dialogue) and our physiology (posture, muscle tension, breathing, etc.).
These processes are driven by the way we have reacted to situations in the past and after we have reacted in a certain number of times (research shows around 21 times) these become unconscious behaviours.
However we can control these “reactions” consciously, try this. You may want to read through this process a couple of times to familiarise yourself with it.
Find somewhere to sit and make yourself comfortable, take a few nice easy breaths and allow yourself to relax.
Imagine a happy time when it snowed before, make the picture in your mind big and bright. Remember the sounds associated with this memory, maybe the sounds of children laughing, the crunch of the snow beneath your feet. Now remember how you felt, that coolness of the crisp air against your cheeks, the heat underneath the many layers that cover your body and maybe the freshness of the chilled air.
Now take a moment to notice how you feel, what are the sensations like? Where do you notice them and do they change or move?
We have all experienced the blanketing of our neighbourhoods in the white stuff of late, changing the familiar look and feel of our local area.
I talked to a couple of people yesterday about the snowfall.
One a Mother who recounted how she and her daughter had snuggled up to listen to the radio together, she smiled as she told me of her daughters eyes filled with the excitement of possibly having an extra day off School. The other a businessman who told me of his worries about the problems at work, due to delivery problems and staffing shortages. Two completely different experiences.
I personally I find it very refreshing to look at the brightness of my environment, inhale the freshness of the air and hear and feel the crunch of the snow beneath my feet. Sure, it has impacted on a couple of clients being unable to make their appointments, but I always find snow has an innocence about it, a freshness that allows me to think clearly and positively.
Our behaviour, or the way we react to certain situations is based on our “State”.
Our state is governed by the things that are going on in us internally; the pictures and sounds we make in our minds (including internal dialogue) and our physiology (posture, muscle tension, breathing, etc.).
These processes are driven by the way we have reacted to situations in the past and after we have reacted in a certain number of times (research shows around 21 times) these become unconscious behaviours.
However we can control these “reactions” consciously, try this. You may want to read through this process a couple of times to familiarise yourself with it.
Find somewhere to sit and make yourself comfortable, take a few nice easy breaths and allow yourself to relax.
Imagine a happy time when it snowed before, make the picture in your mind big and bright. Remember the sounds associated with this memory, maybe the sounds of children laughing, the crunch of the snow beneath your feet. Now remember how you felt, that coolness of the crisp air against your cheeks, the heat underneath the many layers that cover your body and maybe the freshness of the chilled air.
Now take a moment to notice how you feel, what are the sensations like? Where do you notice them and do they change or move?
Saturday, 17 January 2009
It CAN be done!
This is a newsletter from somebody who I respect and admire, someone who came having very little, in the way of money, skills and knowledge to someone who now boasts a huge treasure trove of these things. This is the story of Geoff Thompson a factory sweeper and doorman who had ambitions of being a writer…
I worked in a factory. I swept floors. Now I am sitting in the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square London watching the gala premier (on the biggest screen in the capital) of my first feature film Clubbed.So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done. I was a nightclub bouncer in a beer sticky Coventry club where aspiration got clubbed like a beached seal. Now I am sitting in Cineworld, Broad Street Birmingham presenting the British premier of my first full length screenplay to hundreds of people.So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am stood with the cast and crew of Clubbed before tens of thousands of fans at the Birmingham City football ground. It is half time, the green turf is our red carpet and as a celebration of our film we are being presented with a Clubbed football shirt signed by all the players. So…don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sat on a factory toilet surrounded by the hum of spinning lathes and the oil of hard labour and I am writing my first book (Watch My Back) using reporters pads and a biro (with perfunctory chewed lid). I am writing about exploits experienced in my employ as a club bouncer. I don’t own a typewriter; I don’t even know anyone that owns a typewriter, so I have no conception of how to take my words from biro to presentable document. I only know a compulsion that drives my coal-face experiences to the white-lined page – which I do. Later, after much disappointment and rejection I got the book published and now it has a global audience.So don’t tell me…’it can’t be done!’ It can be done. It is being done. I am at the French premier of Clubbed. We are in love-capital Paris. The film has played in dubbed French and the audience are standing with their ovation. This film was born in oil floor and shit and through restriction, and now we are here, in the film capital of the world, celebrating its life….so don’t, do not, tell me that it cannot be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sat in my front room and my chest is an accordion of sob that are as savage as a football hooligan. I am reading a vitriolic ‘script appraisal’ (fifteen pages of spleen-vent that is writhing in ire) of my first attempt (1997) at a screen play and the words stab like a death row injection.Now I am at the BAFTAs lifting a heavy mask before the world and thanking God for my first major award ( for Brown Paper Bag).So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sitting on the stairs of my too-small-abode with its worrying repayments and I am reading my latest rejection letter with the unkind PS ‘not sure who would want to read a book about a Coventry bouncer!’Now I sit here with over 300,000 sales, hundreds of published articles, commissioned and acted stage plays, front cover profiles, a TV series, film deals, book contracts and awards in their plethora. Apparently a lot of people want to read about a Coventry bouncer. So please, please do not tell me that it cannot be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am telling you that success is a choice not a lottery.I am showing you that the dream is a mass option and not minority caviar. I am the embodiment. You don’t have to be a great talent (talent will develop) you just need to be a tenacious warrior, a man that is scared but not frightened of being scared, a man that is sensitive, but who does not cower and hide from sensitivity, a man that is in trembling awe of his potential, but who marinates in his awe. Am who gets knocked down by criticism 7 times, but gets up eight times. Don’t, please don’t try to tell me that it cannot be done.It can be done.Man, it is being done!And if I can do it, if others can do it, you can do it too.Be well.Geoff Thompson.
“Clubbed” the movie based around Geoff’s life story is in selected cinemas now, see details www.clubbedthemovie.com. (Email produced with permission from Geoff Thompson)
I worked in a factory. I swept floors. Now I am sitting in the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square London watching the gala premier (on the biggest screen in the capital) of my first feature film Clubbed.So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done. I was a nightclub bouncer in a beer sticky Coventry club where aspiration got clubbed like a beached seal. Now I am sitting in Cineworld, Broad Street Birmingham presenting the British premier of my first full length screenplay to hundreds of people.So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am stood with the cast and crew of Clubbed before tens of thousands of fans at the Birmingham City football ground. It is half time, the green turf is our red carpet and as a celebration of our film we are being presented with a Clubbed football shirt signed by all the players. So…don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sat on a factory toilet surrounded by the hum of spinning lathes and the oil of hard labour and I am writing my first book (Watch My Back) using reporters pads and a biro (with perfunctory chewed lid). I am writing about exploits experienced in my employ as a club bouncer. I don’t own a typewriter; I don’t even know anyone that owns a typewriter, so I have no conception of how to take my words from biro to presentable document. I only know a compulsion that drives my coal-face experiences to the white-lined page – which I do. Later, after much disappointment and rejection I got the book published and now it has a global audience.So don’t tell me…’it can’t be done!’ It can be done. It is being done. I am at the French premier of Clubbed. We are in love-capital Paris. The film has played in dubbed French and the audience are standing with their ovation. This film was born in oil floor and shit and through restriction, and now we are here, in the film capital of the world, celebrating its life….so don’t, do not, tell me that it cannot be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sat in my front room and my chest is an accordion of sob that are as savage as a football hooligan. I am reading a vitriolic ‘script appraisal’ (fifteen pages of spleen-vent that is writhing in ire) of my first attempt (1997) at a screen play and the words stab like a death row injection.Now I am at the BAFTAs lifting a heavy mask before the world and thanking God for my first major award ( for Brown Paper Bag).So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sitting on the stairs of my too-small-abode with its worrying repayments and I am reading my latest rejection letter with the unkind PS ‘not sure who would want to read a book about a Coventry bouncer!’Now I sit here with over 300,000 sales, hundreds of published articles, commissioned and acted stage plays, front cover profiles, a TV series, film deals, book contracts and awards in their plethora. Apparently a lot of people want to read about a Coventry bouncer. So please, please do not tell me that it cannot be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am telling you that success is a choice not a lottery.I am showing you that the dream is a mass option and not minority caviar. I am the embodiment. You don’t have to be a great talent (talent will develop) you just need to be a tenacious warrior, a man that is scared but not frightened of being scared, a man that is sensitive, but who does not cower and hide from sensitivity, a man that is in trembling awe of his potential, but who marinates in his awe. Am who gets knocked down by criticism 7 times, but gets up eight times. Don’t, please don’t try to tell me that it cannot be done.It can be done.Man, it is being done!And if I can do it, if others can do it, you can do it too.Be well.Geoff Thompson.
“Clubbed” the movie based around Geoff’s life story is in selected cinemas now, see details www.clubbedthemovie.com. (Email produced with permission from Geoff Thompson)
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Good habits? Bad Habits?
Habits, we all have them good or bad. But how are they created?
A habit is created when we do something enough times consciously that it becomes embedded into our unconscious mind and we become unaware of the behaviour. Research shows that on average an action is transformed into a habit after it is performed 21 times.
How many times have you wanted a cup of tea and found yourself in the kitchen flicking the kettle switch? That’s an ingrained habit.
So how can we change a bad habit? The best and most powerful way is to use Hypnosis as I can bypass the conscious protection mechanism of your habit to create a different behaviour or you can try this exercise?
Firstly become aware of what other role this habit can be replaced with that is positive for you, e.g. if you were biting your nails, you may wish to chew gum, or if you were drinking too many sugary drinks you could drink water.
Once you have a replacement, more appropriate behaviour, the first thing is to notice the process that happens and relax. So if you were biting your nails, notice what you were thinking and feeling inside and be specific! Take a couple of nice breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, relax your posture. Were there pictures, were you saying something to yourself, where was the feeling, in your stomach, chest, head shoulders, what did it feel like, tight, heavy, warm, cold?
Once you have the awareness of the process you will be able, not only to stop it more quickly but have a greater awareness of your unconscious impulses. It’s like a train, if you try to stop it after it has moved a few yards it’s easier to stop, but once it builds up speed, it becomes almost impossible to stop.
So each time you notice this habit a little sooner you begin to build greater and greater control over it, until you have created a new positive habit after repeating the new behaviour 21 times.
I recognise there are those of you that have their reasons for not having the patience to do this, so if you want me to help stop your train, call me now on 024 7667 5520.
A habit is created when we do something enough times consciously that it becomes embedded into our unconscious mind and we become unaware of the behaviour. Research shows that on average an action is transformed into a habit after it is performed 21 times.
How many times have you wanted a cup of tea and found yourself in the kitchen flicking the kettle switch? That’s an ingrained habit.
So how can we change a bad habit? The best and most powerful way is to use Hypnosis as I can bypass the conscious protection mechanism of your habit to create a different behaviour or you can try this exercise?
Firstly become aware of what other role this habit can be replaced with that is positive for you, e.g. if you were biting your nails, you may wish to chew gum, or if you were drinking too many sugary drinks you could drink water.
Once you have a replacement, more appropriate behaviour, the first thing is to notice the process that happens and relax. So if you were biting your nails, notice what you were thinking and feeling inside and be specific! Take a couple of nice breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, relax your posture. Were there pictures, were you saying something to yourself, where was the feeling, in your stomach, chest, head shoulders, what did it feel like, tight, heavy, warm, cold?
Once you have the awareness of the process you will be able, not only to stop it more quickly but have a greater awareness of your unconscious impulses. It’s like a train, if you try to stop it after it has moved a few yards it’s easier to stop, but once it builds up speed, it becomes almost impossible to stop.
So each time you notice this habit a little sooner you begin to build greater and greater control over it, until you have created a new positive habit after repeating the new behaviour 21 times.
I recognise there are those of you that have their reasons for not having the patience to do this, so if you want me to help stop your train, call me now on 024 7667 5520.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
New Years Resolutions?
It’s that time again, the bins are full of wrapping paper awaiting the local councils to collect and most of us are feeling bloated and tired.
But today, we make a resolution to change! To lose weight, stop smoking, be a better person, get a better job or whatever drives you. But how long do we keep on with this decision to change?
Statistics show that only as few as 3% of these new resolutions are still in effect on the 1st of February, so how can we increase or chance of change?
Much research has been done over the years into the subject of motivation, what stimulus creates a desire to do something? Overall it has been agreed that people fall into two categories, those who move away from pain and those who move towards pleasure (stick and carrot motivations). "Ah that's me!" you may think but it's a little more complicated than that.
Dependant on the context i.e. be it in a family situation, work or maybe with a friend you may behave differently (because of your internal belief and value system). So in a situation say, like work you may do things because your boss tells you to and you worry about losing your job and this works for you, but other people will be motivated by promises of promotion or extra income and enjoy the extra work because of this.
Also people have different degrees of how much carrot (moving towards pleasure) and how much stick (moving away from pain) they prefer. So your boss could say if they knew you were mostly motivated by the carrot incentive but required a small amount of stick, "If you complete that work by Friday I am going to reward you all with free drinks at the bar, but if it's not done you will have to stay over Monday until it's done."
Imagine if you knew what motivated you, or if you knew what motivated those people in your life, how much easier would your life be?
Write down your goals for the new year in the present tense i.e. “I exercise regularly and am slim and healthy!”, then allow yourself to become comfortable in a quiet place and close your eyes. Picture this person that you want to become, what do they look like, how do they move, how and what do they say to themselves?
When you are happy with the movie of this new you, rewind it and step into that new you. See what they see, hear what they hear and feel what they feel.
Do this exercise each night before bed and each morning upon awakening to reprogramme your unconscious mind for these successful outcomes!
Happy New Year!
Nick
But today, we make a resolution to change! To lose weight, stop smoking, be a better person, get a better job or whatever drives you. But how long do we keep on with this decision to change?
Statistics show that only as few as 3% of these new resolutions are still in effect on the 1st of February, so how can we increase or chance of change?
Much research has been done over the years into the subject of motivation, what stimulus creates a desire to do something? Overall it has been agreed that people fall into two categories, those who move away from pain and those who move towards pleasure (stick and carrot motivations). "Ah that's me!" you may think but it's a little more complicated than that.
Dependant on the context i.e. be it in a family situation, work or maybe with a friend you may behave differently (because of your internal belief and value system). So in a situation say, like work you may do things because your boss tells you to and you worry about losing your job and this works for you, but other people will be motivated by promises of promotion or extra income and enjoy the extra work because of this.
Also people have different degrees of how much carrot (moving towards pleasure) and how much stick (moving away from pain) they prefer. So your boss could say if they knew you were mostly motivated by the carrot incentive but required a small amount of stick, "If you complete that work by Friday I am going to reward you all with free drinks at the bar, but if it's not done you will have to stay over Monday until it's done."
Imagine if you knew what motivated you, or if you knew what motivated those people in your life, how much easier would your life be?
Write down your goals for the new year in the present tense i.e. “I exercise regularly and am slim and healthy!”, then allow yourself to become comfortable in a quiet place and close your eyes. Picture this person that you want to become, what do they look like, how do they move, how and what do they say to themselves?
When you are happy with the movie of this new you, rewind it and step into that new you. See what they see, hear what they hear and feel what they feel.
Do this exercise each night before bed and each morning upon awakening to reprogramme your unconscious mind for these successful outcomes!
Happy New Year!
Nick
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