Fight or Flight...or Freeze?

Have you ever noticed that when you try to do something new, a new sport or hobby, speaking in front of people or approaching someone you find attractive, your body reacts in a certain way that can make you feel uncomfortable?

I worked with a young man recently who wanted to improve his confidence so he could find a girlfriend and share his life with her. The problem he found was that when he found somebody attractive, his whole body froze, including his ability to talk.

Now this is more common than you think. People, including therapists, often forget that the stress response includes “Freeze” as well as “Fight or Flight”. This is an area that really interests me as a proportion of my work involves working with boxers, who literally deal with the threat of being physically hurt every time they step into the ring.

So why would the body create a “Freeze” response? Well, its true name is “Animal Hypnosis” and its response is to stay perfectly still so as not to pose a threat in order for the aggressor not to notice the person or choose a more challenging victim.

Is it useful? I don’t think so, you could site exceptional circumstances, but in everyday life it limits our choices and that creates more stress.

So what can we do? Well in order to create any emotion or state, certain things have to be happen and most of the time we are not consciously aware of this process. Firstly we make pictures in our mind; secondly we will hear sounds associated with those, including our own internal voice and then there will be a change in our physiology and breathing. These components create our state, which in turn influences the way we behave.

In the example of the young gentleman earlier, he made big pictures of the lady in question rejecting him loudly; he berated himself with his internal voice and consequently his whole muscular system tightened in order to protect him from his perceived outcome.

The funny thing was when I asked him how he would react to asking an old lady the time, he smiled and said “That’s easy!” and I noticed his whole body soften and he stood taller.

So what was different? The pictures he made were of the old lady responding positively to him in a warm tone, didn’t notice any negative chatter in his mind and he breathed softly and his muscles were relaxed.

Remember, it’s important to focus on what you DO want, NOT what you don’t.

Kindest regards,

Nick