Could You Light a Fire?

People often ask me how quickly someone can change and it’s an interesting question as you can probably appreciate, but the answer may shock you?

The first thing is that it is not to do with the client’s perceived problem.

I say perceived because they often see it as a “problem” whereas I see it as an unsolved puzzle that I have to solve using array of mind skills.

The second thing is that it is not to do with the person, by this I mean it is not to do with how intelligent, well read, life experienced or how old the person is.

So what do you think are the attributes that heavily influence the process of change?

A quality I look for first is “Motivation”.

As I’ve written in previous newsletters, when we experience enough discomfort (Pain) in our current situation and enough relief (Pleasure) from the changed situation, we are ready for change.

The second element, which I provide for the client, is the roadmap or nuts and bolts of change…the “How to” change.

However these are not enough, in fact this is the same as having lots of dry wood and an oxygen rich environment and wanting to light a fire…you have no heat or fire source.

Now those of you who thought about rubbing sticks together, well done! You have the mindset to create change, but there is still something missing…

The most important factor of change is ACTION!

And not just action, but sustained long term action.

How many of you would keep rubbing sticks together after 30 or more failed attempts at lighting a fire?

Not many.

And this is what stops people from changing and being their best selves.

So what do these people do?

They blame other things for their failure…the blame categories are in brackets.

“If I knew how to rub stick to create fire, I’d have lit it!” (Information)

“If someone had shown me how to do it, I could’ve done it!” (Skill or training)

“I’m just no good at lighting fires” (Self Belief)

“I’m not feeling up to it” (Health/Wellbeing)

“If it wasn’t for my parents/partner I’d have more confidence to do this!” (Other People)

“I just can’t be bothered!” (Motivation)

“I haven’t got time to be messing around with this!” (Time)

“I just can’t afford to get trained in these skills” (Money)

“It’s not safe I might burn myself?” (Fear)

We all do it, me included, we get stuck and blame somebody or something else for keeping us stuck.

So today’s wisdom is about recognising when you’re stuck by becoming aware of your justifications (blame) for not making changes.

Look at which category (Information, skill, self-belief, etc.) this lies in and then see this as a “puzzle” you need to solve and then…TAKE ACTION!

And keep taking action (reviewing your progress along the way) until you reach your goal!

Now start lighting your own metaphorical fires and see how brightly YOU can shine?

Wishing you every success!

Nick