Life is a Mirror

I was enjoying a lovely roast beef dinner today when I was told a story about a lady who had fallen out with her best friend. She had apparently begun trying to get other people to share her point of view about this lady with a smear campaign by saying that this person was a bully.

The lady who was accusing the other of this behaviour was in fact exhibiting this bullying behaviour herself.

In Psychology we call this “Projection”.

Sometimes when we see somebody behaving in a way that irritates us, it is often a behaviour that we have demonstrated in the past or a behaviour we try to hide from ourselves through ignorance.

So what people do is project their disgust for their own hidden or regretful behaviours onto someone else.

You will hear this in certain guises such as; “I can’t believe how lazy they are!”, “Do you know it shocks me how she lets him treat her like that!”, or “He never stops talking about himself!”

The thing is we’re all guilty of this, myself included, to a greater or lesser extent.

I remember reading about this about 10 years ago, but experienced it personally on a training course a few years ago. I had made a comment about how I couldn’t understand why one of our colleagues was so vocal about one of their therapy beliefs that was being challenged during the workshop.

What was being challenged didn’t affect me as I agreed with it so it didn’t push my buttons. However, as my colleague pointed out, if one of my beliefs about what therapy works and what doesn’t…let’s just say I become quite passionate about it! :0)

I see myself as a “work in progress”, continually learning about myself and how I can grow during this journey we call life.

By observing the behaviour of others and how this creates a reaction within me, allows me to understand my skills and areas for development. Those behaviours I like in others are behaviours I possess but maybe haven’t drawn out to their true potential and those I dislike are areas I need to work on.

So remember, life is a mirror, if you don’t like what you see, reach inside yourself and gain acceptance and then and only then can you begin the journey to change.