Energy Vampires

There are a number of programmes on the Television that are in vogue that feature Vampires, I thought it would be a good metaphor to use for today’s newsletter.

There are three types of people in life; “Energy Providers”, “Neutrals” and “Energy Vampires”.

Energy Providers are those people that when you are in their company you feel inspired, motivated and challenged. They make you feel like you can do or achieve so much more and you feel a boost of physical and emotional energy. They will often be peope that have a strong belief in abundance, that there is more than enough of everything for everyone.

My advice is to seek out more of these people and spend more time in their company or talking to them in different ways (phone, text, email, chat etc.)

Neutrals are people you spend time with and just shoot the breeze, they neither make you feel more motivated or less inspired.

These people are fine in your life, they are the people you choose to pass the time with.

Now we come on to the dangerous Energy Vampires.

You will know when you are in the company of these people as you will begin to feel, down, deflated or depressed.

No matter how much you try to help these people (and I can say this from personal experience) they will not change. The reason for this is that they have sought a sense of power in feeling powerless and telling others of their woes, gaining positive feelings from wallowing in self pity.

I must make it clear that these Energy Vampires are very different from people who have genuinely fallen on hard times or people who genuinely need help as they will have a string of misfortunes that just seem to follow them around.

Not only do they seek solace in the knowledge that their life is awful, they will feel better if they can create rapport with and get you to think or feel the same way. They believe that there is scarcity in life, there is not enough of anything for anybody. This will be accompanied by a deep feeling of mistrust in people and that everyone has ulterior motives if they are doing something nice.

So remember an Energy Vampire needs to bleed you dry of your energy to survive. You could even do them a favour, so they can kill their own Vampire and be normal again and starve them of that energy and attention. But most of all seek out your own Energy Providers and take the action required to make yourself more happy and fulfilled!

I hope this newsletter has given you a little boost!

Take care,

Nick

"You're Fired!"

People dislike rejection, to a greater or lesser degree.

I have had a small number of experiences in my life where people have been really nasty and/or violent towards purely because I rejected them in some way.

So why is this?

Well this is all to do with how emotionally developed the individual is, as most people rationalise any given situation and behave in ways that help them move forward with their lives.

I quote the next section in italics from my friend Gary Turner’s Blog at http://garysmilerturner.blogspot.com/ as I thought he’d written it so clearly.

The human brain has developed throughout evolution and has been described as having three sections:

Reptilian Brain (Stem Brain)
This handles the body’s basic maintenance systems such as the cardiovascular, digestion, and reproduction.

Mammalian Brain (Limbic Brain)
This is the limbic system and includes emotion and coordination of movement, together with the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). It is a part of the brain that reacts reflexively and instantaneously, without thought, to the world around us. It is responsible for our survival. The actions of the limbic brain are hardwired into our nervous system and are therefore very difficult to disguise or eliminate. This is the part of the brain we will use to our advantage.

Primate Brain (Human Neocortex Brain)
This is the most recent phase of evolution and is the cerebral cortex, responsible for solving problems, language use and development, memories, and creativity.

In times gone by long, long ago, being rejected from a group or relationship could mean the difference between life and death.

We used to rely on our “family”, “clan” or “group” to help us hunt for food (safety in numbers), prepare it and store it, whilst we all looked out for potential dangers to keep our group safe as it kept us safe.

So if there was a dispute between two people, it would usually be resolved by some sort of fight and the winner would remain within the group and the loser would leave.

Or if the individual was at odds with the group they would also be forced to go.

In order to survive this individual would have to join another group very quickly, so they would normally choose a rival group and help bed themselves in quickly by discrediting their old group, often with fabrication and lies.

I’m guessing you’ll recognise this “Mammalian Behaviour” in some people you have encountered in your life.

Now, in today’s society this behaviour is counter productive because people will see us as unstable or untrustworthy and it will harm us in the long run.

So we mostly use our Primate Brain (Human Neocortex Brain) in order to create solutions and behaviours that will help us in the long term. Utilising things like negotiation, compromise and apology to help smooth relationships, both socially and at work.

Now a very odd thing is that human beings enjoy watching other people being spurned.

How many programmes can you think of where people get rejected?

“You’re fired” – The Apprentice
“You are the weakest link, goodbye!” – The Weakest Link
“You have been evicted!” – Big Brother

So why sometimes do we afford ourselves this pleasure of seeing someone else’s misfortune?

Well it’s all to do with the Mammalian Brain (Limbic Brain) allowing us to feel the pleasure from not being ousted or rejected, and thinking “I’m glad that’s not me!”.

So remember, if you find yourself overreacting to a situation, take a few diaphragmatic breaths and ask yourself this question:

What is the outcome I want from this, long term?

Have a fantastic week guys!

Nick