Nick Davies Hypnotherapy

Are You Saving Too Many Stamps? & NLP/Hypnosis Practise Group

2010-08-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever experienced a situation where you made a comment, gesture or behaved in a way that created a massive over-reaction to your stimulus, or maybe you have been the one who exhibited this disproportionate reaction?

Well, if you have I’m about to make things a little clearer for you.

As you may or may not know I am a big fan of Transactional Analysis the creation and work of Eric Berne M.D. and he had a theory that we collect stamps, metaphorically speaking in our minds.

It goes something like this.

For those of you of a certain age will remember the old “Green Shield” stamps (those younger readers may be aware of certain drinks promotions where you get a card stamped each time you buy that particular beverage), you would collect these and cash them in when you had a page or book filled for household items.

Okay the theory works like this.

People have an imaginary stamp book containing a number of spaces (let’s say 8 for arguments sake) where they collect “stamps”, which are negative experiences. Each time something goes wrong in this person’s life or someone is mean to them, they put a stamp in the book. When they have collected all 8 stamps they then feel entitled to an emotional outburst, normally at the person who is responsible for the last “stamp”.

This may help you understand some people’s seemingly irrational behaviour? Maybe they don’t have the capacity to hold a lot of stamps, maybe past hurts mean that there are stamps that are always there filling the book half way and maybe they don’t know how to “process” the stamps to free up space in the book?

If you are one of these people that experience these overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, frustration or despair, consider this theory.

Okay so how do I “process” stamps?

In order to process stamps you must first recognise that you have collected too many. You can do this by checking your posture, are your shoulders hunched, tight and aching? Are you muscles sore? Is your brow furrowed? Are you breathing short sharp breaths? Do you have stomach pains, problems going to the toilet? Are you thinking of negative future outcomes? These are all symptoms of stress.

In order to relieve these symptoms I recommend Self Hypnosis or a progressive muscular relaxation with visualisation (which is incidentally what we’ll be practising at our NLP/Hypnosis Practise Group tomorrow).
Firstly what you need to do is find a comfortable place where you can relax easily and won’t be disturbed, play some soothing music in the background if this helps.

Take 5 to 10 diaphragmatic breaths and let go of any stress or tension on each out breath.

Then begin by imagining the relaxation of every muscle, nerve and fibre of your being from the top of your head, slowly all the way down to your toes. You may repeat this if you feel you need to.

Now vividly imagine a place where you have been or where you would like to be, that fills you will a relaxed, comfortable feeling.

Imagine the different colours and the shapes of your surroundings, imagine you are actually there.

Now imagine any sounds you can hear that surround you.

Become aware now of all the physical sensations, maybe the sun gently warming your skin or the gentle breeze cooling it to that perfect temperature.

Finally add in any smells or tastes from you imagined location.

Really enjoy this experience and when you are ready bring yourself back to full awareness. If you have a habit of dropping off to sleep, you could always set a timer or alarm or ask a family member or friend to awaken you.

Just to continue the theme of stamps, we also have “Golden Stamps” which we can cash in to treat ourselves. A golden stamp is one where you do something that needs doing perhaps to help your future goals, this could be household chores, study, exercise, saying sorry to someone, helping someone who is struggling with something.

When the golden stamp book is full people normally treat themselves by doing something they enjoy.

Maybe it’s time you “processed” more of those old stamps and collected more of the “Golden” stamps?

NLP/Hypnosis Practise Group

At tomorrows meeting I will be demonstrating and teaching you how to “Hypnotise” people. How it works, why it works and how you can use it to help yourself – “Self Hypnosis”. Once again it will be held at the Jaguar Cars Sports & Social Club, (XJS Suite), Browns Lane, Allesley, Coventry CV5 9DR from 3pm to 5pm (Saturday) 28th August 2010 only £5 entry! All welcome from novice all the way up to seasoned professional, register to attend by emailing me or on the website at www.WSOH.co.uk/practisegroup it will be great to see you there!

Be kinder to yourself! :0)

Nick

Insecurities

2010-07-09T10:26:00.001-07:00

One think that I have come to notice in everyone I meet that I find the most refreshing is that we all want to be liked or loved and we all want to do better.

Some people hide this and adopt an aggressive or apathetic attitude towards life, but these drivers are still there simmering under the surface.

If we felt completely loved by everybody and had all the success in the world, then we would think we had made it!

This is why I believe many young people today look to become the next Christiano Ronaldo or Cheryl Cole, believing that once they had that kind of lifestyle all of their worries would somehow disappear.

Sadly this is not the case.

As the old saying goes “With great power comes great responsibility”.

Do you remember Christiano Ronaldo headbutting Wayne Rooney in the 2006 World Cup? At the time he was the most hated footballer in the Premiership.

And do you remember in 2003 Cheryl Tweedy (as she was then) was accused of making racist remarks and punching a toilet attendant over a row over pinching some lollipops? It was all over the papers, she was extremely unpopular at the time.

When you’re in the limelight, everything you do becomes magnified and you have to deal with so much more pressure.

The only people without challenges in life live in graveyards!

So whatever your life is, it will have its own set of challenges. The secret I’ve found is to manage and plan your future so that you reduce the bad times and increase the happy times.

Back to our insecurities; that little voice that says “You’re not good enough!” or “Nobody loves you!”.

Why on earth would we do this to ourselves?

Well it’s there to ensure that we take action to improve our friendships and relationships and do the best we can in life with the talents we have and develop.

However sometimes this voice becomes amplified because we ignore it; through laziness or procrastination. It becomes so loud and frequent that we just give up or try and distract ourselves with drink, drugs, gambling, food, pornography or whatever else.

But there is another way…

This voice is the “Critical Parent” part of your personality, its part of you so you can change it.

As soon as you recognise this negative voice, immediately change your posture and alter your rate and depth of breathing. Push your shoulders back and breathe diaphragmatically.

Then begin thinking of little things you have done in your life that are good, maybe that time you listened to a friends problems, or gave someone a compliment.

Now you can create your own affirmative dialogue, I personally look at myself in the mirror, shrug my shoulders and say “Do you know what? I’m o.k.!”

And remember, whatever you think you are…you are so much better!

Take care,

Nick

P.S. I am running a monthly NLP/Hypnosis Practise Group beginning on Saturday July 31st (3pm – 5pm) only £5 entry, the link is here to register http://ndhypnotherapy.com/practisegroup or call or email me. I will be showing you how to run your own brains with “An Introduction to Submodalities”

Energy Vampires

2010-06-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

There are a number of programmes on the Television that are in vogue that feature Vampires, I thought it would be a good metaphor to use for today’s newsletter.

There are three types of people in life; “Energy Providers”, “Neutrals” and “Energy Vampires”.

Energy Providers are those people that when you are in their company you feel inspired, motivated and challenged. They make you feel like you can do or achieve so much more and you feel a boost of physical and emotional energy. They will often be peope that have a strong belief in abundance, that there is more than enough of everything for everyone.

My advice is to seek out more of these people and spend more time in their company or talking to them in different ways (phone, text, email, chat etc.)

Neutrals are people you spend time with and just shoot the breeze, they neither make you feel more motivated or less inspired.

These people are fine in your life, they are the people you choose to pass the time with.

Now we come on to the dangerous Energy Vampires.

You will know when you are in the company of these people as you will begin to feel, down, deflated or depressed.

No matter how much you try to help these people (and I can say this from personal experience) they will not change. The reason for this is that they have sought a sense of power in feeling powerless and telling others of their woes, gaining positive feelings from wallowing in self pity.

I must make it clear that these Energy Vampires are very different from people who have genuinely fallen on hard times or people who genuinely need help as they will have a string of misfortunes that just seem to follow them around.

Not only do they seek solace in the knowledge that their life is awful, they will feel better if they can create rapport with and get you to think or feel the same way. They believe that there is scarcity in life, there is not enough of anything for anybody. This will be accompanied by a deep feeling of mistrust in people and that everyone has ulterior motives if they are doing something nice.

So remember an Energy Vampire needs to bleed you dry of your energy to survive. You could even do them a favour, so they can kill their own Vampire and be normal again and starve them of that energy and attention. But most of all seek out your own Energy Providers and take the action required to make yourself more happy and fulfilled!

I hope this newsletter has given you a little boost!

Take care,

Nick

"You're Fired!"

2010-06-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

People dislike rejection, to a greater or lesser degree.

I have had a small number of experiences in my life where people have been really nasty and/or violent towards purely because I rejected them in some way.

So why is this?

Well this is all to do with how emotionally developed the individual is, as most people rationalise any given situation and behave in ways that help them move forward with their lives.

I quote the next section in italics from my friend Gary Turner’s Blog at http://garysmilerturner.blogspot.com/ as I thought he’d written it so clearly.

The human brain has developed throughout evolution and has been described as having three sections:

Reptilian Brain (Stem Brain)
This handles the body’s basic maintenance systems such as the cardiovascular, digestion, and reproduction.

Mammalian Brain (Limbic Brain)
This is the limbic system and includes emotion and coordination of movement, together with the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). It is a part of the brain that reacts reflexively and instantaneously, without thought, to the world around us. It is responsible for our survival. The actions of the limbic brain are hardwired into our nervous system and are therefore very difficult to disguise or eliminate. This is the part of the brain we will use to our advantage.

Primate Brain (Human Neocortex Brain)
This is the most recent phase of evolution and is the cerebral cortex, responsible for solving problems, language use and development, memories, and creativity.

In times gone by long, long ago, being rejected from a group or relationship could mean the difference between life and death.

We used to rely on our “family”, “clan” or “group” to help us hunt for food (safety in numbers), prepare it and store it, whilst we all looked out for potential dangers to keep our group safe as it kept us safe.

So if there was a dispute between two people, it would usually be resolved by some sort of fight and the winner would remain within the group and the loser would leave.

Or if the individual was at odds with the group they would also be forced to go.

In order to survive this individual would have to join another group very quickly, so they would normally choose a rival group and help bed themselves in quickly by discrediting their old group, often with fabrication and lies.

I’m guessing you’ll recognise this “Mammalian Behaviour” in some people you have encountered in your life.

Now, in today’s society this behaviour is counter productive because people will see us as unstable or untrustworthy and it will harm us in the long run.

So we mostly use our Primate Brain (Human Neocortex Brain) in order to create solutions and behaviours that will help us in the long term. Utilising things like negotiation, compromise and apology to help smooth relationships, both socially and at work.

Now a very odd thing is that human beings enjoy watching other people being spurned.

How many programmes can you think of where people get rejected?

“You’re fired” – The Apprentice
“You are the weakest link, goodbye!” – The Weakest Link
“You have been evicted!” – Big Brother

So why sometimes do we afford ourselves this pleasure of seeing someone else’s misfortune?

Well it’s all to do with the Mammalian Brain (Limbic Brain) allowing us to feel the pleasure from not being ousted or rejected, and thinking “I’m glad that’s not me!”.

So remember, if you find yourself overreacting to a situation, take a few diaphragmatic breaths and ask yourself this question:

What is the outcome I want from this, long term?

Have a fantastic week guys!

Nick

Anxiety and Panic

2010-05-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

The last fortnight I have been dealing with a lot of cases of Anxiety and its evil cousin Panic.

For those of you who don’t know the difference, anxiety can be a feeling of uneasiness all the way up to a “Panic Attack” which is an overwhelming fear of imminent death.

I know I suffered from them 10 years ago and despite being stabbed in the heart as a 19 year old and nearly dying (on arrival in hospital I had no pulse, no blood pressure or heartbeat – clinically dead) I would say these are worse.

Don’t get me wrong the whole experience of facing “real” death filled me with a fear so great you cannot quantify it, but I slipped into a peaceful sleep and when I woke in intensive care I was heavily sedated. The journey back to health was hard and painful but I knew what had to happen each step of the way of my recovery.

The problem with panic attacks is that they give you this same overwhelming sense of imminent death, time and time again, and you often get no warning when they will strike.

The problem with Anxiety or Panic is that it is not visible i.e. you don’t have your leg in plaster or burns all over your body, so people do not understand why you are experiencing these symptoms. Often people can be quite patronising or condescending because they cannot understand what you are experiencing inside of your mind.

Trust me, only someone who has experienced a panic attack can understand what it is like!

After taking some anti-Anxiety tablets prescribed by my Doctor that made my head crackle and lose my sight temporarily, I decided to seek out other ways to overcome this problem.

After reading as many books that I could get my hands on I discovered some interesting concepts that worked for me and this is what I will share with you now:

I want you to imagine filling a bathtub with water by turning on the taps about half way.

Suddenly the phone rings and you end up having a long conversation and then suddenly you realise you’ve left the taps on and rush to turn them off.

Because the bath has an overflow pipe, the extra water is filtered off down into the drainage safely and the bath does not overflow.

This is how we deal with everyday stresses when things are normal, however when things are left unchecked and become overwhelming, imagine the following:

You have turned both taps on fully, the phone goes again and you have the same lengthy conversation. However this time the volume of water is too great for the overflow outlet, so water cascades over the top of the bath everywhere.

This water represents the uncontrolled stress that is overwhelming your mental bathtub and when it pours over the sides it creates Anxiety and Panic.

So if you’re luckily enough to only be experiencing mild anxiety, you can solve this by reducing the stress in your life and getting more quality rest.

Now for those of you at the other end of the scale I will share with you the methods I used to overcome my own and help lots of other people.

Firstly, accept the experience.

I would relax my posture as much as possible, sitting back, legs outstretched, soften my vision and ensure there was no tightness in any muscle groups, especially the neck and shoulders.

Anxiety and Panic need energy to grow, so by sitting and not reacting to any thoughts, feelings or sensations, just allowing them to flow through you in whatever way, the feelings will begin to subside.

I then would say to myself in a calm reassuring voice “I am fine, this has happened before and has passed, I am fine.”

Also I would recommend becoming an expert at “Diaphragmatic Breathing” (do a Google search).

When we are suffering with anxiety our breathing quickens and we breathe short shallow breaths into the top third of our lungs. This activates our “Sympathetic Nervous System” which triggers our “Stress Response” also known as “Fight or Flight” as our minds assume we are under some kind of threat.

Our blood and oxygen is diverted away from things like digestion and creative thinking, to the bigger muscles in our body to help us fight this imagined foe or to run away from it. This is why anxious and/or stressed people struggle with stomach and memory problems.

Our bodies need to be as light as possible to help us react and move quickly, so often we will be left with an urgent need to use the toilet.

Diaphragmatic Breathing (Breathing all the way down into the bottom two thirds of our lungs by pushing out stomachs out on the in breath) switches off or “Sympathetic Nervous System” and switches on our “Parasympathetic Nervous System” which produces calming chemicals and restores our minds and bodies back to its equilibrium.

This process should happen naturally. However, it is my belief, that because our lives are so much busier than in previous times, we are beginning to unconsciously override this to get more done.

If you know anybody who suffers with Anxiety or Panic, please pass this on and recommend they join the newsletter as I’d like to reach out and help as many people who are suffering as I did.

Look after yourselves and take care,

Nick

Life is a Mirror

2010-05-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

I was enjoying a lovely roast beef dinner today when I was told a story about a lady who had fallen out with her best friend. She had apparently begun trying to get other people to share her point of view about this lady with a smear campaign by saying that this person was a bully.

The lady who was accusing the other of this behaviour was in fact exhibiting this bullying behaviour herself.

In Psychology we call this “Projection”.

Sometimes when we see somebody behaving in a way that irritates us, it is often a behaviour that we have demonstrated in the past or a behaviour we try to hide from ourselves through ignorance.

So what people do is project their disgust for their own hidden or regretful behaviours onto someone else.

You will hear this in certain guises such as; “I can’t believe how lazy they are!”, “Do you know it shocks me how she lets him treat her like that!”, or “He never stops talking about himself!”

The thing is we’re all guilty of this, myself included, to a greater or lesser extent.

I remember reading about this about 10 years ago, but experienced it personally on a training course a few years ago. I had made a comment about how I couldn’t understand why one of our colleagues was so vocal about one of their therapy beliefs that was being challenged during the workshop.

What was being challenged didn’t affect me as I agreed with it so it didn’t push my buttons. However, as my colleague pointed out, if one of my beliefs about what therapy works and what doesn’t…let’s just say I become quite passionate about it! :0)

I see myself as a “work in progress”, continually learning about myself and how I can grow during this journey we call life.

By observing the behaviour of others and how this creates a reaction within me, allows me to understand my skills and areas for development. Those behaviours I like in others are behaviours I possess but maybe haven’t drawn out to their true potential and those I dislike are areas I need to work on.

So remember, life is a mirror, if you don’t like what you see, reach inside yourself and gain acceptance and then and only then can you begin the journey to change.

Could You Light a Fire?

2010-04-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

People often ask me how quickly someone can change and it’s an interesting question as you can probably appreciate, but the answer may shock you?

The first thing is that it is not to do with the client’s perceived problem.

I say perceived because they often see it as a “problem” whereas I see it as an unsolved puzzle that I have to solve using array of mind skills.

The second thing is that it is not to do with the person, by this I mean it is not to do with how intelligent, well read, life experienced or how old the person is.

So what do you think are the attributes that heavily influence the process of change?

A quality I look for first is “Motivation”.

As I’ve written in previous newsletters, when we experience enough discomfort (Pain) in our current situation and enough relief (Pleasure) from the changed situation, we are ready for change.

The second element, which I provide for the client, is the roadmap or nuts and bolts of change…the “How to” change.

However these are not enough, in fact this is the same as having lots of dry wood and an oxygen rich environment and wanting to light a fire…you have no heat or fire source.

Now those of you who thought about rubbing sticks together, well done! You have the mindset to create change, but there is still something missing…

The most important factor of change is ACTION!

And not just action, but sustained long term action.

How many of you would keep rubbing sticks together after 30 or more failed attempts at lighting a fire?

Not many.

And this is what stops people from changing and being their best selves.

So what do these people do?

They blame other things for their failure…the blame categories are in brackets.

“If I knew how to rub stick to create fire, I’d have lit it!” (Information)

“If someone had shown me how to do it, I could’ve done it!” (Skill or training)

“I’m just no good at lighting fires” (Self Belief)

“I’m not feeling up to it” (Health/Wellbeing)

“If it wasn’t for my parents/partner I’d have more confidence to do this!” (Other People)

“I just can’t be bothered!” (Motivation)

“I haven’t got time to be messing around with this!” (Time)

“I just can’t afford to get trained in these skills” (Money)

“It’s not safe I might burn myself?” (Fear)

We all do it, me included, we get stuck and blame somebody or something else for keeping us stuck.

So today’s wisdom is about recognising when you’re stuck by becoming aware of your justifications (blame) for not making changes.

Look at which category (Information, skill, self-belief, etc.) this lies in and then see this as a “puzzle” you need to solve and then…TAKE ACTION!

And keep taking action (reviewing your progress along the way) until you reach your goal!

Now start lighting your own metaphorical fires and see how brightly YOU can shine?

Wishing you every success!

Nick

Part of Me Wants to do This

2010-04-07T10:34:00.001-07:00

I am sat in front of my PC writing this newsletter because I’d forgotten to mention an important email I received in response to my “Self Doubt and Criticism” newsletter from one of the boxers I’ve worked with.

“I had a session with you a couple of years back at the gym when you were first introduced to the boxers. At the time I was just getting back into training and finding it really hard to get motivated although I wanted to train another part of me kept saying I can’t be arsed and “Can I do it?”.
I was extremely self critical as well finally giving in again. I’ve just started training again and find myself already asking "Do I really want this?" and finding it hard to get motivated basically due to the habit of getting back from work and sitting in front of the T.V. all night for the last two years. That is until I just came across your self doubt and criticism newsletter.
This is so helpful as it makes you realize that it’s perfectly normal to think these things and gives me the motivation to work and get past this way of thinking. So a big thanks for the help! Simon”

It’s feedback like this that tells me I’m on the right path and gives me that boost of inspiration to keep going, so thank you Simon! (I did ask for his permission to print this).

My job is all about helping and inspiring people to be the best they can be and letting them know that any worthwhile journey has it tougher days, but the tough days are what makes the success taste so much sweeter.

Now the journey doesn’t always have to be tough, but sometimes we make the journey harder with our imagination by mentally rehearsing a future event and exaggerating (“Awfulizing” in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy terms) how bad the experience could be so that we don’t go through with it.

This is the part of our personality that likes to rest, recover and feel comfortable and we need it otherwise we’d burn out.

But we also have another part of our personality that drives us and wants to experience and learn new things, it’s like an excited child that just wants to do things now.

Now obviously these two parts of our personality will conflict when one is being more dominant than the other, as in Simon’s email. So how can we make this easier for ourselves?

It’s important to have fun with this exercise, anyone who knows me knows I like to make things as enjoyable as possible.

Some people may find this a little strange at first but it really does work.

Firstly, put both hands out in front of you palms up and allow yourself to become the child-like playful side of your personality. You may need to take a few easy deep breaths and remember the last time you had a good laugh and didn’t take yourself so seriously.

Now, imagine these two parts are like two different cartoon characters that your holding, one in each hand.

Imagine what the “Comfort and Rest” part would look like, then imagine what it would sound and feel like and which hand it would choose out of your left and right. Now imagine the “Driven and Excited” part would look like, then imagine what that would sound and feel like in your other hand.

NB: Some people may choose to represent the two parts in colours, shapes, sounds or feelings. Do what your awareness tells you is right for you.

Now we need to find out the higher positive intention of both parts so imagine, seeing, hearing and/or feeling the two parts negotiating and compromising over what it is you want to do to create your solution.

I.e. In a case to exercise the dialogue could go like this:

“Driven and Excited” part – “I want to get fit as I enjoy looking good”

“Comfort and Rest” part – “I want to chill out and relaxed”

We can establish after a few rounds of this understanding that both parts want to feel good, one by looking good, the other by resting.

Whilst you gain this awareness, allow whatever your representations of these parts are to either join together or make an agreement.

I have had clients say the following; “The two parts shook hands”, “The colours merged into one”, “My hands came together and I experienced a different feeling”, “I was like two noises merging into one”, whatever the experience you have will be the right one for you.

Now to complete the exercise, just go and do whatever it is that you had been putting off and notice how differently you feel!

You can use this exercise for any of those times when you find parts of yourself arguing or in conflict and remember that you need to relax first before starting the exercise to have access to both sides.

Have a brilliant week!

Nick

Pain or Pleasure?

2010-03-31T14:45:00.000-07:00

Do you know once you break everything down to its smallest components we have only two things that motivate us; the avoidance of pain, or the pursuit of pleasure.

These are the drivers that create change in our lives.

The lifetime smoker witnesses a sick relative dying of cancer, they are affected by witnessing the pain that the person is in which makes them feel sad (“Pain”). They also imagine this terrible ordeal could happen to them and imagine the discomfort, worry and anguish that this would create, so they decide to quit to avoid the pain.

That person that stares into the brochure at the Travel Agents and sees the warm sun, beautiful white sand and deep blue sea, books the holiday as they imagine the pleasure they will feel once there.

People are motivated to change in different ways, with a balance of pain and pleasure. Some people require a lot of pain and a little pleasure, others a lot of pleasure and very little or no pain, or any combination of amounts between these two extremes.

If you imagine a straight line with the word “Pain” on the left hand side and the word “Pleasure” on the right (illustrated below).

PAIN------------------------------------------------------------PLEASURE

Why not try to think of a few situations in your life that you are unsure of and see whereabouts you are along the line…

Any surprises?

If you are currently struggling to change something negative in your life, try this exercise.

Complete EVERY stage in turn and imagine you had done NOTHING to change it at all from steps 1 to 4.

1) Imagine what your life would be like in one years time, what could you see, hear and feel (close your eyes if this helps)?

2) Now, imagine what your life would be like in five years time, again what can you see, hear and feel (close your eyes if this helps)?

3) Imagine what your life would be like in ten years time without you doing anything to change it at all, what can you see, hear and feel? How bad has the situation gotten now?

4) Now, imagine what your life would be like in twenty years time, really imagine this vividly what can you see, hear and feel and how bad does that make you feel?

5) Take a moment to associate those bad feelings and sensations with what you want to change

6) Now, take a deep breath and clear your mind back to the here and now and notice something positive about yourself, even if it is something small or something that you are wearing.

7) Now imagine that whatever you noticed that was positive has started to spread positive feelings throughout the inside of your body, into every muscle, fibre and cell. Allow it to spread everywhere and grow with strength, take a nice deep breath.

8) Now imagine seeing yourself NOW taking the positive action you need to (close your eyes if this helps?).

9) Imagine yourself in a weeks time what do you look like, move like, sound like?

10) Imagine yourself in one months time, again what changes can you notice in your appearance, how do you move, how do you sound?

11) Now imagine stepping into this “New” you, see through their eyes, hear through their ears and feel exactly how that feels.

12) Take a nice deep breath and commit to taking action each day towards your goal.

Repeat this exercise if required as many times as you need, remember a new habit is created when you repeat something correctly 28 times.

Take care and remember, it’s not a natural skill or gift that makes people successful, its direction, determination and the ability to adapt and grow.

I’ve seen many naturally “gifted” people end up on the scrap heap and many unskilled yet determined people, succeed beyond their wildest dreams.

Is now the time to take action towards that goal you’ve always wanted?

Have a great Easter!

Nick

Surprising State

2010-03-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

Often when I’m out socialising or performing a show and people find out that I’m a Hypnotherapist and Life Coach, people will pull me to one side to ask me some help concerning issues of the mind. I’ll always help as much as I can, as I love people and my job and could talk about psychology all day long…some of my friends would say I actually do!

What surprises me is the amount of people suffering with different states of stress, anxiety or depression, people who on the surface look to have everything under control. It seems nowadays, the majority of people are struggling to cope in some way with the “stuff” life throws at us.

The other thing that shocked me was the amount of people who are currently on medication to help resolve their situation. I think it can help in the short term if you’ve left things too late, but often people become reliant on it and take it long term. These types of medication do not resolve issues of the mind, but suppresses them to allow you to function for a while, the issues still need resolving.

After quizzing a lot of people it seems that there are three major stumbling blocks.

The first is knowing where to turn. Do you go to the Doctors and risk being prescribed medication and/or counselling, or risk going privately and trying to wade through the masses of numbers in the yellow pages or internet.

The second is the feeling that the person you go to for help will make you feel inferior or patronise you in some way, in the way the dress, talk or treat you. This is actually more common than you’d think, I’ll explain in a bit.

And the third is the fear of the perceived stigma that is attached with seeking help, often people say to me that they feel “weak” having to seek help and worry what their friends, family and colleagues will say.

In January 2000 I collapsed was taken to Hospital and afterwards began suffering with really bad headaches, dizziness, anxiety and panic attacks.

I was convinced at the time I was suffering with a brain tumour or similar serious illness so I requested every test I could.

After weeks of tests and an anxious wait the Doctor told me he could find nothing physically wrong with me and said it must be “Stress related”, which I disagreed with. He prescribed medication (which made me worse) and counselling where I experienced all three of the “stumbling blocks” above.

The Doctors and counsellors didn’t help much, in some cases making me worse.

I now know, after much research, the illness was caused by working far too many hours under a great deal of pressure, not sleeping or resting enough, having relationship problems and moving house and not listening to my body telling me it was struggling to cope.

If I’m honest it was not a good time for me, but it provided me with a massive impetus to find out why I had arrived at this “State” and how I could change it. I don’t recommend you take this journey as it was very long and arduous.

I spent the next 10 years of my life, reading every book I could get my hands on, studying audio CDs, videos, DVDs and attending training courses. To not only find the solutions to my issues but to find the best way to present them to people so clients feel empowered and get the results they want quickly and permanently.

I have developed a style of helping people that is both reassuring and friendly, where people can make changes with a minimum amount of discomfort (even enjoy the changes in most sessions) and feel they are working with someone they can talk to and trust.

My mission now is to reach out and help as many people as I can, this is why I have recently been running free seminars and offer free consultations to potential clients.

Recommendation is the best way of finding the right person to work with, if you need a good plumber, you’d ask around your social circle for anyone who knew of anyone who was reasonably priced and did a good job.

So if you know anyone who is suffering with stress, anxiety or depression or any other psychological issues I’d appreciate it if you’d pass on my details.

There is a video that accompanies this newsletter on the email which advertises our next FREE seminar, here is the link again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_IzKCXUOlU. You can also go to www.WSOH.co.uk/freestuff for details and to register.

Also if you’d like me to come and do a free talk for your organisation or workplace (minimum of 6 people), please contact me to discuss this.

I am really passionate about getting this message out to as many of those people who are stuck in those “States” and don’t know where to go for help. So if you think anyone would benefit from this, please pass it on.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and watch the video, have a fantastic day!

Nick

E.S.P. – Excellent Sensory Perception

2010-02-07T06:38:00.000-08:00

In each moment of our lives our internal computer, our brain, is making thousands of decisions based on the information it receives via our external receptors. These are our sight, hearing, feeling, taste and smell which collect information and relay it back to our bank of previous experiences to see if there are any familiar patterns.

For example, if we were to see flames, hear crackling, feel heat, smell burning and taste charcoal in the air we would cross reference this experience with fire.

The context of this fire would then be examined. Is this a fire safe i.e. housed in a hearth surrounded by brick? If yes, our brains will slow down our breathing, relax our muscles and produce calming chemicals that allow us to relax and enjoy the experience.

However is this fire dangerous i.e. has it been started accidentally and is burning the wood of the stairs? If yes, our brains will create our “Stress Response” also known as “Fight or Flight” and consequently speed up our breathing, heart beat, produce adrenaline and nor-adrenaline and increase and polarize our five senses in order to deal with the situation.

The fire is an extreme example to demonstrate a point, but it illustrates how our perceptions of situations are very important. Fire in fireplace = good, fire outside of fireplace = bad.

What if during our lives we created incorrect perceptions? For example, within a dating context I hear people make judgments based on peoples hair or its colour. Blondes have more fun. Dusky maidens are sexiest. You can’t trust men with beards. Shaven headed men are aggressive. From a psychological perspective this is untrue. However, if these people, with the different hair colours or styles, are treated differently because of other peoples misconceptions they may begin to believe this realty and allow it to become their truth.

When I meet somebody new I start with a blank slate, this often takes a moment or two because I have my own bank of experiences and perceptions but I also allow myself to get a “gut feeling” for things to protect myself from harm.

The interesting thing about “gut feeling” or intuition is that it is predominantly right when you are relaxed and predominantly wrong when you are in a state of stress.

Your stomach is one of the most important internal feedback mechanisms you have, every emotion can be felt to a greater or lesser extent in the body, coupled with other physical elements like your skin and muscles. When you are in love or excited you feel butterflies in your stomach and lose your appetite, when you are worried or nervous you have the same physical experience but your physiology and mental processes differ. When you feel guilty or ashamed it’s like a heavy sinking feeling and so on.

One of the reasons people overeat or drink alcohol is to suppress this response from the cells in the stomach. Effectively changing the way they feel by either filling the stomach with food to block the chemical messages from the cells or drinking alcohol which numbs these responders which is why we feel hungry when we’ve drunk a significant amount of alcohol.

I have spent a significant amount of time fine tuning my sensory perception in order to be the best I can be as a coach and therapist, because I feel it is my job to know what is going on in people’s minds before they do.

The only time I get it wrong is when I allow myself to get stressed, I’m only human and I work as much on myself as I do my clients. I feel that if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me! :0)

So my message today is learn to relax, develop your gut instinct and intuition and have an open mind with an awareness that occasionally some people will attempt to get you to do things that aren’t in your best interest and a lot of the time the opposite is true.

Whatever you think the world is, that’s your perception, your truth, your reality!

"Self Doubt and Criticism"

2010-01-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

I had a request this month to talk about what could be done about “Self Doubt” and “Self Criticism”, as it was holding a few people back.

Firstly, this week is known to be the most depressing week of the year, with last Monday being the worst day.

This is because we set ourselves New Years Resolutions either consciously by writing them down, or saying to ourselves and other that this year will be better and we’ll do X, Y, Z, or not let A, B, C happen again.

As I’ve said before a new habit or behaviour gets instilled unconsciously roughly after 21 to 28 times or days.

Our minds have a protection mechanism to protect us from taking on any old behaviours, so in week three or the 21st demonstration of the new behaviour it makes it difficult for us. It does this by making us struggle a little bit more, our minds start asking us questions like “Do I really want to give this up?”, “Is it really worth it?”, “I won’t be able to do this!” and the weaker 95% of us cave in because of this “Self Doubt” and “Self Criticism”.

However, if you persevere and push through this barrier of discomfort you create a new unconscious habit or behaviour which over time gets so easy you forget that struggle you had.

Do you constantly feel anxious and think exactly how to drive your car, or do you just hop in and drive? (Think of riding a bicycle for those of you who can’t or don’t drive).

O.k. now for the Psychology bit about why we have “Self Doubt” and “Self Criticism”...

These thoughts and behaviours are driven by our "Internal Critical Parent" (According to Transactional Analysis or "Super Ego" if you prefer Freud) and it's there to protect you.
It appeals to the "Adapted Child" part of your personality to behave, not take risks etc. in order to keep you safe from harm and (the topic of my book) embarrassment!

However...

...In a lot of people, myself included, it is turned up too high so it actually causes "Freeze" (the infrequently mentioned brother of "Fight" and "Flight"), which holds you back from making progress and therefore prevents you from achieving your dreams.

It is normally instilled because of anxious or critical parents (particularly if you are the oldest) and didactic Teaching methods.

In therapy I use "Parts Therapy" and sometimes “Regression” techniques to turn it down to normal levels in order to allow people to just get on with those things they want to do.

But if you can’t get access to this help for some reason I would suggest the following:

Remember that this “Part” of you is there for a good reason, to protect you.

So with that in mind use “Self Talk” by talking to the "Part" calmly, understanding why it is there, reassuring it and asking for it to back off temporarily in order to allow you to achieve your goal.

Or if you don’t like a trail of thought or internal negative criticism you can just say "STOP!" in your mind, as a very good friend of mine and colleague does. He has changed and achieved so much over the last 12 months that he is an inspiration to be around, nothing is impossible in his world.

You can also reassuring yourself when you are doing something that feels as if it is outside your comfort zone helps, all world class athletes do this, whether they are aware of it or not.

Sometimes if I’m feeling nervous about a new project I’ll say to myself “Come on Nick, you can do this!”. I do this because there are so many things I want to do with my life, I want to be able to look back and know that I gave it my best shot and didn’t give into fear.

So get out there and do those things that you know you want to and enjoy it!

Have a fantastic week!

Nick

Be Careful What You wish For

2009-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

I jokingly posted a status update on my Facebook account wishing to be given Cheryl Cole this Christmas, which reminded me of something a lady said to me at a party some years ago.

I was in my 20’s and I thought I’d draw on this ladies experience (she was in her 40’s) and was known for her wisdom (she could read palms too!), so I asked her what she thought my chances were with a beautiful girl I had been engaging with earlier.

She said “Be careful what you wish for!” with a wry smile.

It stopped me dead in my tracks.

What did she mean “Be careful…”? How could anything bad come out of wanting to be with someone I was attracted to.

Then she went on to explain that we makes “wishes” a lot in our lives, sometimes when we feel good, sometimes when we feel sad or depressed and sometimes these wishes are just a response to a situation.

How many times when be told off as a child by a parent or teacher and thought “I hate you!” and not mean it and felt bad afterwards.

Luckily, our unconscious mind generally ignores single requests like this and responds when we have consistently and emotionally requested something. This is why habits are difficult to change without Hypnosis or Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP).

Also this lady went on to explain that when we wish for something not to happen, we also create an attraction to it. For example if I say to you “Don’t think of a blue bus now!”, you have to think of it, then un-think it.

I remember this happening to me when I trained most days with weights or boxing because of a fear of violence I had, but because I was making pictures in my mind of what I didn’t what to happen I seemed to attract these situations.

Now I create pictures of the things I want and create matching positive affirmative internal dialogue. If I catch myself thinking negatively I change it as quickly as I can, this takes practice and I’m still working on it, but the dividends it pays make it worth while.

So this Christmas I urge you “Be careful what you wish for!”, think positively and have the most fantastic Christmas ever!

Oh yes, my wish did come true.

Merry Christmas!

Nick

Prison Inmates

2009-12-17T07:36:00.000-08:00

Locked up in a prison in North Vietnam for 7 long and arduous years American Major, James Nesmeth decided to use his time differently. Rather than focus on the harsh conditions of his incarceration and allow his bleak and harrowing existence to engulf his thoughts, he decided to take control of his mind.

Every single day for four hours, he closed his eyes and imagined in vivid detail that he was at his country golf club. He included every detail; visually (sight) – from the interior colours and design of the club house, to the different shades of green of the grass on the fairway. Auditarily (sound) – the swishing sound of each club being drawn from the bag, to the gentle rustling of the wind I the trees. Kinaesthetically (feeling) – the feel of the grip of his favourite driver to the feeling of his feet inside his golfing shoes. Olfactarily (smell) – the smell of the freshly cut grass to the scent of the leather of his golfing bag. Gustatorarily (taste) – he even imagined the taste change in his saliva with the anticipation of his sporting enjoyment.

He imagined this experience in every detail as if it were real, the drive to the clubhouse, the banter with his sporting colleagues, the walk to the first tee and the practise swings before taking each shot. Over 7 years he invested approximately 10220 hours of mental rehearsall, never leaving any detail out.

When he was released from prison, he had a real desire to return to his golf club and play “another” round of golf. In his first “real” game of golf for 7 years he scored an amazing 74!

Apart from proving that mental rehearsal is as effective (if not more) and assists physical practise, it also demonstrates what happens when we control our own minds rather than letting it control us.

The interesting thing for me is that a lot of clients I see are trapped in their own “prisons”, surrounded by concrete walls and bars of negativity, self doubt and low self esteem. There is nothing physical stopping them from making changes, just that critical parental voice telling them the downsides and pitfalls of any lofty ideas they may have to improve their lives.

Whenever we move forward and break out of that old comfort zone our internal parent seeks to protect us by warning us of what can go wrong and making it easier for us to slip back into the quilt-like warmth of our old behaviours. It’s essentially installed as a safety mechanism, but because of the government and media we live in fear and this safety switch is triggered far too soon.

It’s not a weakness to ask for help in developing yourself, even though those we have voted into power have stigmatized this kind of assistance and made people feel broken or abnormal, which is simply not true.

On my journey I didn’t have anyone like myself to help me, so I invested (and still do) massive amounts of time in learning about the mind; reading books, listening to audio CDs and watching DVDs on Psychology, Hypnosis, Neuro Linguistic Programming, anything to do with how our brains work.

I feel very lucky that I have put myself in a position to help those people who have the courage to look for help. I know exactly what it’s like, having escaped my own metaphoric “prisons” many times and I’m sure there will be many more to come as I keep pushing forward and developing myself.

One essential ingredient that is inherent in every successful person I’ve ever met is tenacity, a complete 100% resolution to one successful outcome, no back door, no plan B.

And remember, if you feel you can’t do it alone there are people out there that can help you.

Enjoy your week!

Take care,

Nick

Look for the Gold

2009-11-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a really good day for me.

I helped a few people with hypnotherapy and NLP, I was also working with two guys I respect in my field on a couple of projects for the New Year and my marketing assistant was all revved up and looking for new business opportunities.

To make this even better, I received an email from a discus thrower I had worked with called Kevin Brown who had won his third gold medal in October! He had sent me a photograph of the newspaper article dedicating his success to my Hypnosis sessions (picture attached). I was so pleased because this goal meant so much to him and he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, but also was touched by his kindness in not only saying I had helped him but sending a picture of the article to me.

I put the article on Facebook and was checking the “Newsfeed” (I’m still not sure how that works? LOL) when I noticed a “Sports Mind Coach” had set up a group site so I thought I’d take a look. As I began reading the page I noticed the words had once again, (he’d done this on his website previously), been taken directly from my Sports Psychology website http://www.ndsp.co.uk/ and I found myself getting annoyed. Anyone who knows me knows the amount time and effort I have spent over the last 4 years developing my website, skills and products, helping hundreds of sports people (mostly boxers), which I am extremely proud of.

My mood had changed because my intellectual property had been stolen by someone who had done this in the past…I felt annoyed, why would anyone do this?

But then something happened!

An unconscious insight came to me and I asked myself “Why does this matter to me?”

I looked into the situation a little more; this guy had little or no experience, no testimonials or any measurable results from sportsmen or women and had difficulty talking in public.

I laughed to myself as I thought if he’s copying my stuff word for word it must be good! It’s rather like a child wears a football top with his favourite players name on it because he wants to be like him. And in boxing terms it would be like Manny Pacquiao getting annoyed by a journeyman boxer who was telling everyone he was the best, so I began to see it in a different perspective.

I thought once again about how great my life was because of the hard work I had put in…

…and I felt brilliant again.

On the road to success you will experience a few “bumps”, it’s how we react to these that affects the way we feel and how much success we have.

David Beckham recently said about his difficult time with LA Galaxy "There's never a smooth road. There are always a few bumps along the way and there has been. But that's kind of been my career. There have always been ups and downs - more ups than downs but that's the way it is, that's life."

What keeps me motivated and inspired is having the mindset that my successes are the result of my skills and hard work, rather than accidents or freak occurrences.

Stuff happens, people do things and circumstances happen that disrupt your plans. I understand this will always happen so I look for the “Gold” in every situation. When I say Gold, I mean the positive insight or message.

Say to yourself “How can I view this situation in a way that will help me learn something or feel differently?”

Emotions are just energy, if you are using that energy to feel bad, it can also be used to feel good or to take action to do something that makes you feel good.

So whenever you are faced with a challenge…

…Look for the Gold!

Have a great day!

Nick

If you feel this newsletter will help a friend or colleague, please forward it onto them. You can have this newsletter delivered to your email address by typing http://www.ndhypnotherapy.com/ into your browser, clicking on “Contact me” and typing in your email address and writing “Newsletter” in the subject heading.

Fight or Flight...or Freeze?

2009-10-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that when you try to do something new, a new sport or hobby, speaking in front of people or approaching someone you find attractive, your body reacts in a certain way that can make you feel uncomfortable?

I worked with a young man recently who wanted to improve his confidence so he could find a girlfriend and share his life with her. The problem he found was that when he found somebody attractive, his whole body froze, including his ability to talk.

Now this is more common than you think. People, including therapists, often forget that the stress response includes “Freeze” as well as “Fight or Flight”. This is an area that really interests me as a proportion of my work involves working with boxers, who literally deal with the threat of being physically hurt every time they step into the ring.

So why would the body create a “Freeze” response? Well, its true name is “Animal Hypnosis” and its response is to stay perfectly still so as not to pose a threat in order for the aggressor not to notice the person or choose a more challenging victim.

Is it useful? I don’t think so, you could site exceptional circumstances, but in everyday life it limits our choices and that creates more stress.

So what can we do? Well in order to create any emotion or state, certain things have to be happen and most of the time we are not consciously aware of this process. Firstly we make pictures in our mind; secondly we will hear sounds associated with those, including our own internal voice and then there will be a change in our physiology and breathing. These components create our state, which in turn influences the way we behave.

In the example of the young gentleman earlier, he made big pictures of the lady in question rejecting him loudly; he berated himself with his internal voice and consequently his whole muscular system tightened in order to protect him from his perceived outcome.

The funny thing was when I asked him how he would react to asking an old lady the time, he smiled and said “That’s easy!” and I noticed his whole body soften and he stood taller.

So what was different? The pictures he made were of the old lady responding positively to him in a warm tone, didn’t notice any negative chatter in his mind and he breathed softly and his muscles were relaxed.

Remember, it’s important to focus on what you DO want, NOT what you don’t.

Kindest regards,

Nick

Do You Believe in Voodoo?

2009-07-31T06:10:00.001-07:00

Do You Believe in Voodoo?

In Alabama one evening, Vance Vaders got into an argument with a local witch doctor in the town’s cemetery. The witch doctor became agitated and waved a strange smelling substance in front of Vance’s nose and told him he was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Vaders became ill and deteriorated quickly, after a few weeks and nearing death his wife contacted a local doctor in desperation and told him of the spell.

Luckily doctor Drayton Doherty was aware of this phenomena, so he planned a way to lift the hex. He told Vance and his wife that he had found the witch doctor and strangled him until he admitted that he had rubbed a lizard’s egg on his stomach causing a lizard to grow inside him and eat him from the inside out.

The doctor injected Vance with a substance to cause him to vomit violently, then took a lizard he had stored in his bag with the dexterity of a magician and seemed to produce this from Vader’s vomit. Vance seemed to go into shock when he saw the lizard and whilst in this state of suggestibility Doherty said “Look what has come out of you Vance, the voodoo curse is lifted!”.

Vaders was clearly shocked and fell into a deep sleep, he woke the next day with a raging hunger, recovered quickly and was discharged after a week.

This story was corroborated by four independent medical health professionals.

Another example is Sam Shoeman who was misdiagnosed with terminal liver cancer in the 1970’s and given a few months to live. Shoeman did die within the predicted timescale, however his autopsy showed that not only was the tumour a lot smaller than he had been diagnosed with, but it was tiny and had not spread at all. Clifton Meador, a doctor at Vanderbilt School of Medicine in Nashville, Tennessee who has documented many cases like this said "He didn't die from cancer, but from believing he was dying of cancer," says Meador. "If everyone treats you as if you are dying, you buy into it. Everything in your whole being becomes about dying."

This is what’s known as the “Nocebo Effect”, the term “Nocebo” which means “I will harm” a negative suggestion which gives rise to an expectation of a certain result.

A funny looking chap dressed in a robe with a necklace made of Aligator teeth, chanting incantations may not spook you into believing his suggestions. But imagine a Doctor with his white coat, stethoscope, certificates of qualification on his wall telling you have a certain condition, would you question it or take it as written in stone?

Our beliefs are very important to the creation of our future.

Most of us are all aware how the “Placebo Effect” works.

When trialing new drugs, they are tested against a control group who are given a substance that has no effect on their health. In all cases some of the control group are shown to make an improvement in whatever condition is being treated.

I am even aware of one person who asked to be kept on the placebo pills as they helped improve his Parkinsons.

So our own beliefs and expectations shape the outcomes we experience in life.

What would it be like if you could consistently think about positive outcomes?

Have a great day!

Nick

Achieve Your Dreams

2009-06-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

Firstly, allow yourself to relax, get comfortable and make sure you have no distractions. Take a few nice easy breaths in through your mouth, allowing your stomach to move outwards, taking the air right down to the bottom of your lungs. This is called diaphragmatic breathing (do a Google search) and if you master this skill alone and practise it daily, your life will be filled with more peace and happiness than you thought possible.

Now imagine you are sitting comfortable in a magical place, surrounded by all the colours, shades and hues that allow you to feel calm and resourceful, hear some gentle music in the background and feel the comfort of your magical chair.

Imagine in this beautiful scenario that you have been granted a wish that it was now impossible for you to make any mistakes, any problems you face along the way will be met with you unconsciously becoming aware of the solutions and you will continue forward until you reach your goals and dreams?

As you allow your mind to wander, what dreams would you choose to pursue?

When you have allowed yourself to return back to full awareness, write these down immediately in as much detail as you can.

Now write them as if you have achieved them, i.e. “I am slim, healthy and fit”, “I enjoy working for myself as a…”, “I have a beautiful relationship with…”.

It’s important not to focus on achieving your goals constantly and consciously, otherwise apart from suffering burnout, you will suffer ever diminishing returns. It is like planting a seed, if you watch it every day the progress is slow, but if you plant it in the knowledge (visualising the outcome) that it will turn into a beautiful flower, you will notice the stages of development along the way until it brings what you intended. This is often referred to as “Intent and Surrender”, you fully intend your goal or outcome, visualise it, get excited about your desired outcome, commit to it happening and then surrender the thought knowing that it will be delivered to you.

Repeat this process each morning, this will help programme your goals and dreams into your unconscious mind so your resources can be organised in a way to best help you achieve these easily and effectively.

The only caveat with this is to make sure your goal is not too big or distant. It’s important to break your goals down into smaller incremental steps so your unconscious mind is able to utilise the skills and resources you have and bring into your consciousness any you need to develop along the way.

Below each one of your written goals, I would write the answer to these four important questions:

1) What pleasure will I achieve from achieving this goal?

2) What pain will I avoid from achieving this goal?

3) What MUST I do to achieve this goal?

4) What MUST I stop doing to achieve this goal?

Then I would ask myself a final question, to ensure this goal fits in with my values and beliefs.

5) Is there anything negative that could happen when I have achieved this goal, for me or those people who are important to me?

Obviously the answer to this question will tell you if you should set out on the journey towards that particular goal.

Then the most important step of all TAKE ACTION!

Remember every journey begins with a simple step.

I wish you all the very best on your journey!

Kindest regards,

Nick

Are You Following the Script?

2009-05-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

Some people have life scripts (a lot of the time they are unaware of) which they play over and over in their lives causing them pain or discomfort. You may have noticed a friend or colleague saying something like "I've met someone new, this time it'll be different!" and find yourself thinking "Where have I heard this before!" and before too long when things go awry, they'll say "Why does it always happen to me?"
When we are growing up we formulate understandings of patterns of behaviour in order to help us cope and survive in our world that we live in. Sometimes these understandings are influenced, both positively and negatively, by parents, teachers, or other people in a position of perceived authority.
The more significant and emotional the event, the more likely this event is to impact on our adult life if we continue to follow the pattern. In the example I used earlier, the person may have felt proud about achieving something as a child and after seeing one of her friends be shown positive attention, gone to seek recognition from a significant adult. However on this occasion the adult scalded them for bothering them which was not the result the child expected, thus leaving them feeling rejected and confused.
If the child experiences this outcome on other significant emotional occasions it may make an incorrect assumption that nobody loves them or no matter what they do they'll never be good enough, thus forming their negative life script.
Once a life script or pattern of behaviour is formed, the persons unconscious mind will look to replay this pattern each time incorrectly thinking that this is the outcome the person wants. This is why some people manage (unconsciously) to find those people or situation
Fortunately the unconscious mind can be encouraged to change and re-educate itself with new information and learning with the help of some forms of therapy.

In my experience Hypnotherapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming are the fastest and most effective treatment in situations such as these.

Kindest regards,

Nick

I am interested if anyone has any questions or comments on these blogs, so please feel free to leave any comments and let me know your thoughts.

Is There Drama in Your Life?

2009-05-05T10:47:00.000-07:00

Do you find yourself in some situations where you almost feel intimidated and bullied by people? Maybe you feel some people are too easily intimidated? Or perhaps you find yourself relentlessly helping people who make bad choices?

Known as the "Drama Triangle", there are three roles that play into personal powerlessness in a type of Psychological "Game".

The “Persecutor” is someone that usually takes an authoritarian stance and has a very critical attitude.

The “Victim” is someone very passive, who seems to just have the worst luck in the world.

The “Rescuer” is someone very nurturing and helpful.

So how do these characters interact in this “Drama Triangle”?

The Persecutor usually blames or criticizes the Victim and takes on the authoritarian stance of a critical parent. The Victim feels oppressed, powerless and helpless but instead of choosing to resolve or remove themselves from the situation, they seek to find a Rescuer in order to perpetuate this position. The Rescuer, normally a person who feels guilty if they do not help others, takes on a nurturing parent role and allows the Victim to enjoy the attention from them, causing a "Secondary Gain".

The Rescuer, now failing in their attempts to help the victim now feels dejected themselves and takes on the role of the Victim, the Victim now criticizing or blaming the (previously) Rescuer now takes on the role of Persecutor.

An important way to move away from this position is to uncover those negative beliefs we may have about ourselves and seek to resolve them. These are usually beliefs we have created about ourselves during childhood or after experiencing a “Significant Emotional Event”.

Analytical Hypnotherapy and Parts Therapy are very effective in dealing with these negative beliefs and can also be used content free, i.e. where the person does not have to discuss the event/s.

Kindest regards,

Nick

Communication is Everything

2009-04-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

We communicate all of the time, even when we are not actually talking.

How often have you seen someone sitting down, shoulders hunched over, head bowed, breathing slowly and deeply?

You don’t need to be a body language expert like me, to know that that person is thinking about something that is causing them to feel down, but it illustrates the point.

We communicate non-verbally through our facial expressions, breathing and posture.

Our thoughts (pictures we make in our mind, sounds/dialogue we can remember and the way we talk to ourselves) and physiology (breathing, posture, muscle tonicity) affect the way we feel and consequently the way we behave or react to situations.

The thoughts we generally have derive from what we have been “feeding” our brains with over the last days, weeks, months and years.

“You can run your car on chip fat!”

I read an article recently about people who were using “chip fat” (Bio-fuel) to run their diesel cars. It sounded great at the beginning, a cheaper environmentally friendly way of refuelling.

However, as I continued to read I found that if the “chip fat” had not been processed correctly (sediment drained and methanol and caustic soda added, kits to do this cost around £700) it could affect the injector and fuel pump, costing £1200 to replace!

There’s an old IT adage I remember from my days at BT as Multimedia Manager…

“Rubbish In = Rubbish Out!”

This is why spending time in the company or positive people, reading a good book or watching a motivating film will make you feel more positive.

You may want to read through this next section first, before doing it.

Take a few slow, easy breaths and allow yourself to relax for a moment. Adjust your posture and clothing to allow you to relax completely.

Now think back to a time when you felt really good about something, could be when you bought a car, met your partner, took up a form of exercise, had a favourite holiday, even the last time you had a really good laugh, whatever pleasure you want to re-experience?

Allow the pictures of that event to develop in your mind…

Notice if there are any sounds that accompany that memory…

Make the pictures bigger and brighter.

Make the sounds richer and clearer.

Now, step into that event, see what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel...

Have fun and really re-experience those wonderful feelings…

Notice where those positive feelings are in your body and if they move or grow…

Notice the type of sensations that you experience, heaviness, lightness, warmth, coolness
, tingling…

Now open your eyes. How do you feel now?

Can we change or control our own States or those of others?

A resounding yes! You just did.

There are things in this text that I have communicated to you that you will be aware of and others that I have left for your unconscious mind to decipher when that moment is right for you.

Communication is everything.

If you chose to take control of this, how much better would you feel?

Have the day you really want…

Kind regards,

Nick Davies

Do You Ever Ask Yourself "Why?"

2009-04-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

The key to changing any habit or behaviour to ask yourself “Why?”, more on this in a bit.

I have a friend who told me he would give up smoking to help his best friend, who I had helped to quit smoking with Hypnotherapy.

His motivation for this was admirable, as I explained we are often a product of our influences, the people we mix with, the television we watch, the books, magazines and newspapers we read. So by him giving up, my client would not have the temptation around him.

He decided to do it cold turkey!

Now this is a man with a lot of determination, I could devote a series of newsletters just about the things he has overcome and achieved.

The moment he decided to stop, he did, and never put another cigarette to his lips…

…until…

Three weeks had elapsed and his best friend was well on the way to becoming a healthy non-smoker (once you’ve done it for 28 days you have kicked the habit). So one evening he smoked a cigar when he was out with friends.

He tried to reassure me it was the odd one and he wasn’t buying them, until eventually he began buying packets of them and began smoking again.

I knew this would happen at the outset.

You may ask yourself how I knew?

Three reasons conscious effort, planning and motivation strategies.

Firstly, and this is the reason only 2% of people who diet (Government statistics) lose weight and keep the weight off permanently, he was trying to change his smoking habit “consciously”.

Generally people go back to their old behaviours after 21 to 28 days (if not before) as the “part” of you that smokes/drinks/over eats/stays in a bad relationship etc. protects itself from changing.

It will only change when it is given a new behaviour of equal importance, this is most effectively and elegantly done using “Parts Therapy” whilst a client is in Hypnosis.

So to do this consciously we need a “planning strategy”, i.e. we need to be aware of the difficulties we may face in advance and plan ways we can over come these. In this example, planning for how they would react when offered a cigarette when we’d had a few drinks, or how they would distract themselves from the craving or the feeling of having a cigarette between our fingers.

Lastly, but most importantly we need to ask ourselves “Why?”, why we are changing this habit or behaviour.

We need to create the “motivation strategy”. In this example his motivation was only to support his friend. Once he saw his friend had quit, his motivation disappeared.

In order to do this consciously, we need to create massive PAIN to the old behaviour and massive PLEASURE to the new.

What do I mean?

Okay, in this instance I would get the person to find out all the negative things about smoking. E.g. the poisons contained in tobacco, the fact that one in two people who smoke die from smoking related diseases, the fact it makes you smell awful, and as the guy I helped stop in this example said “It’s not even cool anymore!”.

I would write these things down under “The reasons I HAVE stopped/changed (habit/behaviour) is because…”, including pictures, words and phrases that “speak to you”.

Then I would look for ALL of the positives of the new habit or behaviour, like feeling fitter, saving all that money, clothes and breath smelling fresher, more chance of staying alive.

I would write these things under the heading “The reasons I am COMPLETELY 100% COMMITTED to (new habit/new behaviour) is because…”, including pictures, words and phrases that make you feel good about this change.

It’s harder to change habits consciously than unconsciously i.e. with Hypnotherapy, but following the methods I have written here will give you a better chance than relying on willpower alone.

So if there is something you want to change in your life, I offer this advice for free.

If you have the motivation, but would prefer to work with someone, you can contact me on 024 7667 5520 or fill in a form on the website www.ndhypnotherapy.com/contactme

I wish you all the best on your journey towards whatever you desire.

Take good care,

Nick

“That Kind of Behaviour Irritates Me…”

2009-03-26T12:56:00.001-07:00

Have you ever found yourself witnessing somebody else behaving in a manner that causes you to feel irritated, angry or stressed? Maybe saying things like…

“He’s winding me up!”

“Is she doing that on purpose?”

“I’m going to say something in a minute!”

Often completely absorbed by their annoying conduct, unable to focus on anything else?

One official psychological explanation would is…

“In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism where a person’s personal attributes, unacceptable or unwanted thoughts, and/or emotions are ascribed onto another person or people. Projection occurs when a person’s own unacceptable or threatening feelings are repressed and then attributed to someone else.”
[Wade, Tavris, Psychology, Prentice Hall, 2000]

In simpler terms, our personality is made up of lots of mini personalities, i.e. Karen the wife, Karen the employee, Karen the mother, Karen out with friends etc. and we are the sum of these “Parts”. Each “Part” of our personality protects itself from changing its behaviour as it is working for us on some level, providing an often short term positive outcome. Because the “Part” does not want to let go of this positive intention it will resist change and one way is to deny its very existence and project it on to someone else.

It’s a bit like a School child throwing something at the Teachers back and blaming another pupil when challenged.

When you notice yourself reacting to someone’s behaviour, take a few diaphragmatic breaths and then ask yourself the following…

“When in my life have I behaved in this way?”

And wait for the answers to come.

Becoming aware of behaviours or “Parts” we would like to change often results in a feeling of lethargy, shoulders shrugged forward, followed by a big sigh, with possibly a feeling of sadness. Again, another protection mechanism.

Knowing you have an undesirable “Part” or behaviour only takes you 50% of the way there.

So how can we change it?

There are two ways…

The first is to acknowledge each time you experience the annoyance in other peoples behaviour and take a few diaphragmatic breaths in order to allow you to reach a more analytical state, rather than allowing the part to follow the sequence of events it usually does leaving you feeling stressed or angry. Acknowledge the times you have behaved in this way.

Become aware of the sensations it creates in your body.

Where is it located?

Does it move?

What are the sensations like, warm, cool, heavy, light, tingling?

Then ask yourself, in this relaxed state, what this “Part” of you is trying to achieve for you?

If it’s an angry part it may be trying to keep people away from you to protect you from even more stress?

After doing this a few times she should have a level of enlightenment over the “Part” or behaviour and your unconscious mind will begin to look for new ways to change. Research shows that in order to permanently change it will take around 21 interventions of this type.

The second way would be to seek the intervention of a professional therapist and coach, like me, and work with “Parts Therapy”.

Remember life is a mirror, what we see is usually a reflection of ourselves.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Kind regards,

Nick

"Are You Just Floating Along?"

2009-03-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people come and see me and say things like…

“I never thought my life would be like this!”

“How did I get into this mess?”

“Where did I go wrong?”

“I used to feel much happier?”

People are like boats floating in the ocean…

Some boats choose to bob about in the water and let the changing currents decide their destination. These vessels generally tend to regret this decision when they become washed up against the rocks and far away from the sunny beaches they would have preferred.

Other boats, plot their destination, check they have the right fuel and set off for distant lands, not fully knowing exactly what it will be like when they get there. These ships learn how to travel great distances and change course if the lands they discover are not to their liking.

If I continue with this nautical metaphor, a Life Coach is like your navigator, someone who can help you decide on where you want to travel, what you will need to get there and how to start and continue the journey through the occasional storm.

Are you sailing in the wrong direction, been washed up on the beach of unhappiness or hit the rocks of worry or sadness?

Life Coaching could really help you by plotting a course to help you travel towards your dream destination.

Turning Pain into Relief

2009-02-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

There are times in life when circumstances or the way we deal with these situations can cause us great emotional and even physical pain. Sometimes it’s our lack of energy that can make often simple distractions into significant challenges.

How can we turn this pain into relief?

The first thing we need to do, as soon as this becomes possible, is to remove ourselves from the stresses of the environment to somewhere quiet and sedate.

What if I have a house full of kids/noisy environment and nowhere to go?

People will always make excuses if they don’t want to change. We all have somewhere quieter to go; there are public libraries in our towns and cities, parks and other places within walking distance that we can escape from these external stressors. Heck, I’ve even worked with people in my car, including taking them into trance!

So once we’ve escaped the external stressors we need to work on the things that are affecting us internally.

How can I do this on my own?

Get a pen and paper and write down the things that are causing you pain or discomfort, write them ALL down and write how they make you feel.

There is something magical that happens when thoughts are transferred onto paper, they look and seem slightly different, we find another perspective on them. You may also be crossing one or two of after realising that maybe they are not things that bother you now you have acknowledged them.

So what do I do next?

Firstly allow yourself to become comfortable, allow yourself to relax your major muscle groups and take a few diaphragmatic breaths. When you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in relaxation and when you breathe out, imagine stress and tension leaving your body.

Look at each of your perceived problems and ask yourself these questions:

1) Am I blaming anyone for these issues? (If you are you are giving away your power to change them)

2) Am I able to take responsibility for how I may have been partly responsible for creating these issues? (Taking responsibility allows you to take back your personal power)

3) What are the lessons I must learn from these situations (This allow you to grow and update your knowledge to avoid making any similar mistakes)

4) How can I look at these situations differently now, in order to help me feel more positive about myself and my life? (Allow the learning to settle into your very core)

5) What can I do differently now, in order to move forward towards the things I WANT in my life? (Give yourself a map, a direction for future comfort)

6) What will I plan to do over the coming days and weeks in order to not only make me (and those important to me) feel better but to allow myself to move towards the things I want to achieve in my life.

Invest in yourself…

Kind regards,

Nick

If you feel this newsletter will help a friend or colleague, please forward it onto them. You can have this newsletter delivered to your email address by typing www.ndhypnotherapy.com into your browser, clicking on “Contact me” and typing in your email address and writing “Newsletter” in the subject heading.

Let it snow, let it snow...

2009-02-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

It's funny how people can interpret an event or occurrence completely differently, let us take the recent snowfall for example.

We have all experienced the blanketing of our neighbourhoods in the white stuff of late, changing the familiar look and feel of our local area.

I talked to a couple of people yesterday about the snowfall.

One a Mother who recounted how she and her daughter had snuggled up to listen to the radio together, she smiled as she told me of her daughters eyes filled with the excitement of possibly having an extra day off School. The other a businessman who told me of his worries about the problems at work, due to delivery problems and staffing shortages. Two completely different experiences.

I personally I find it very refreshing to look at the brightness of my environment, inhale the freshness of the air and hear and feel the crunch of the snow beneath my feet. Sure, it has impacted on a couple of clients being unable to make their appointments, but I always find snow has an innocence about it, a freshness that allows me to think clearly and positively.

Our behaviour, or the way we react to certain situations is based on our “State”.

Our state is governed by the things that are going on in us internally; the pictures and sounds we make in our minds (including internal dialogue) and our physiology (posture, muscle tension, breathing, etc.).

These processes are driven by the way we have reacted to situations in the past and after we have reacted in a certain number of times (research shows around 21 times) these become unconscious behaviours.

However we can control these “reactions” consciously, try this. You may want to read through this process a couple of times to familiarise yourself with it.

Find somewhere to sit and make yourself comfortable, take a few nice easy breaths and allow yourself to relax.

Imagine a happy time when it snowed before, make the picture in your mind big and bright. Remember the sounds associated with this memory, maybe the sounds of children laughing, the crunch of the snow beneath your feet. Now remember how you felt, that coolness of the crisp air against your cheeks, the heat underneath the many layers that cover your body and maybe the freshness of the chilled air.

Now take a moment to notice how you feel, what are the sensations like? Where do you notice them and do they change or move?

It CAN be done!

2009-01-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

This is a newsletter from somebody who I respect and admire, someone who came having very little, in the way of money, skills and knowledge to someone who now boasts a huge treasure trove of these things. This is the story of Geoff Thompson a factory sweeper and doorman who had ambitions of being a writer…

I worked in a factory. I swept floors. Now I am sitting in the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square London watching the gala premier (on the biggest screen in the capital) of my first feature film Clubbed.So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done. I was a nightclub bouncer in a beer sticky Coventry club where aspiration got clubbed like a beached seal. Now I am sitting in Cineworld, Broad Street Birmingham presenting the British premier of my first full length screenplay to hundreds of people.So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am stood with the cast and crew of Clubbed before tens of thousands of fans at the Birmingham City football ground. It is half time, the green turf is our red carpet and as a celebration of our film we are being presented with a Clubbed football shirt signed by all the players. So…don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sat on a factory toilet surrounded by the hum of spinning lathes and the oil of hard labour and I am writing my first book (Watch My Back) using reporters pads and a biro (with perfunctory chewed lid). I am writing about exploits experienced in my employ as a club bouncer. I don’t own a typewriter; I don’t even know anyone that owns a typewriter, so I have no conception of how to take my words from biro to presentable document. I only know a compulsion that drives my coal-face experiences to the white-lined page – which I do. Later, after much disappointment and rejection I got the book published and now it has a global audience.So don’t tell me…’it can’t be done!’ It can be done. It is being done. I am at the French premier of Clubbed. We are in love-capital Paris. The film has played in dubbed French and the audience are standing with their ovation. This film was born in oil floor and shit and through restriction, and now we are here, in the film capital of the world, celebrating its life….so don’t, do not, tell me that it cannot be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sat in my front room and my chest is an accordion of sob that are as savage as a football hooligan. I am reading a vitriolic ‘script appraisal’ (fifteen pages of spleen-vent that is writhing in ire) of my first attempt (1997) at a screen play and the words stab like a death row injection.Now I am at the BAFTAs lifting a heavy mask before the world and thanking God for my first major award ( for Brown Paper Bag).So don’t tell me that it can’t be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am sitting on the stairs of my too-small-abode with its worrying repayments and I am reading my latest rejection letter with the unkind PS ‘not sure who would want to read a book about a Coventry bouncer!’Now I sit here with over 300,000 sales, hundreds of published articles, commissioned and acted stage plays, front cover profiles, a TV series, film deals, book contracts and awards in their plethora. Apparently a lot of people want to read about a Coventry bouncer. So please, please do not tell me that it cannot be done. It can be done. It is being done.I am telling you that success is a choice not a lottery.I am showing you that the dream is a mass option and not minority caviar. I am the embodiment. You don’t have to be a great talent (talent will develop) you just need to be a tenacious warrior, a man that is scared but not frightened of being scared, a man that is sensitive, but who does not cower and hide from sensitivity, a man that is in trembling awe of his potential, but who marinates in his awe. Am who gets knocked down by criticism 7 times, but gets up eight times. Don’t, please don’t try to tell me that it cannot be done.It can be done.Man, it is being done!And if I can do it, if others can do it, you can do it too.Be well.Geoff Thompson.

“Clubbed” the movie based around Geoff’s life story is in selected cinemas now, see details www.clubbedthemovie.com. (Email produced with permission from Geoff Thompson)

Good habits? Bad Habits?

2009-01-14T05:01:00.000-08:00

Habits, we all have them good or bad. But how are they created?

A habit is created when we do something enough times consciously that it becomes embedded into our unconscious mind and we become unaware of the behaviour. Research shows that on average an action is transformed into a habit after it is performed 21 times.

How many times have you wanted a cup of tea and found yourself in the kitchen flicking the kettle switch? That’s an ingrained habit.

So how can we change a bad habit? The best and most powerful way is to use Hypnosis as I can bypass the conscious protection mechanism of your habit to create a different behaviour or you can try this exercise?

Firstly become aware of what other role this habit can be replaced with that is positive for you, e.g. if you were biting your nails, you may wish to chew gum, or if you were drinking too many sugary drinks you could drink water.

Once you have a replacement, more appropriate behaviour, the first thing is to notice the process that happens and relax. So if you were biting your nails, notice what you were thinking and feeling inside and be specific! Take a couple of nice breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, relax your posture. Were there pictures, were you saying something to yourself, where was the feeling, in your stomach, chest, head shoulders, what did it feel like, tight, heavy, warm, cold?

Once you have the awareness of the process you will be able, not only to stop it more quickly but have a greater awareness of your unconscious impulses. It’s like a train, if you try to stop it after it has moved a few yards it’s easier to stop, but once it builds up speed, it becomes almost impossible to stop.

So each time you notice this habit a little sooner you begin to build greater and greater control over it, until you have created a new positive habit after repeating the new behaviour 21 times.

I recognise there are those of you that have their reasons for not having the patience to do this, so if you want me to help stop your train, call me now on 024 7667 5520.

New Years Resolutions?

2009-01-01T12:04:00.000-08:00

It’s that time again, the bins are full of wrapping paper awaiting the local councils to collect and most of us are feeling bloated and tired.

But today, we make a resolution to change! To lose weight, stop smoking, be a better person, get a better job or whatever drives you. But how long do we keep on with this decision to change?

Statistics show that only as few as 3% of these new resolutions are still in effect on the 1st of February, so how can we increase or chance of change?

Much research has been done over the years into the subject of motivation, what stimulus creates a desire to do something? Overall it has been agreed that people fall into two categories, those who move away from pain and those who move towards pleasure (stick and carrot motivations). "Ah that's me!" you may think but it's a little more complicated than that.
Dependant on the context i.e. be it in a family situation, work or maybe with a friend you may behave differently (because of your internal belief and value system). So in a situation say, like work you may do things because your boss tells you to and you worry about losing your job and this works for you, but other people will be motivated by promises of promotion or extra income and enjoy the extra work because of this.

Also people have different degrees of how much carrot (moving towards pleasure) and how much stick (moving away from pain) they prefer. So your boss could say if they knew you were mostly motivated by the carrot incentive but required a small amount of stick, "If you complete that work by Friday I am going to reward you all with free drinks at the bar, but if it's not done you will have to stay over Monday until it's done."

Imagine if you knew what motivated you, or if you knew what motivated those people in your life, how much easier would your life be?

Write down your goals for the new year in the present tense i.e. “I exercise regularly and am slim and healthy!”, then allow yourself to become comfortable in a quiet place and close your eyes. Picture this person that you want to become, what do they look like, how do they move, how and what do they say to themselves?

When you are happy with the movie of this new you, rewind it and step into that new you. See what they see, hear what they hear and feel what they feel.

Do this exercise each night before bed and each morning upon awakening to reprogramme your unconscious mind for these successful outcomes!

Happy New Year!

Nick

Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

2008-11-17T07:10:00.001-08:00

Have you ever found yourself really wanting to do something, but you’re too embarrassed to admit it for fear of ridicule. So you end up making excuses to convince yourself and others that you’re not really bothered?

I’m remember doing this to myself many moons ago when I began to study Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy, a colleague said to me “Hey, wouldn’t it be really cool to perform Hypnosis like Paul McKenna or Derren Brown?”. My response to this was something along the lines that I wasn’t really bothered.

I really did want to perform the kind of things that McKenna and Brown did as I admired them for their skill and delivery as performers. But somewhere in my mind I was saying “What if I couldn’t do it?” and the answers to this question provoked lots of pictures of me failing and lots of people laughing at me, causing me to feel an inner tightness as the potential embarrassment washed through my body.

The key here is to face up to the core problem, which in my case was not failure of not being able to perform these techniques but the ensuing feeling of embarrassment.

So in order for me to achieve my goal, I had to find a better way to deal with feeling embarrassed, or certainly to acknowledge it and prevent it from making me start trembling, sweating and blushing.

The first thing I did was relax by breathing diaphragmatically, breathing in through my nose, down to the bottom two thirds of my lungs by pushing out my stomach (rather than lifting my chest and shoulders), holding the breath for a moment and fully exhaling through my mouth. This triggers your parasympathetic nervous system and calms the body producing by producing chemicals that relax the whole body and mind. I recommend you learn and practise this technique; you could do a Google search or even by a book on relaxation?

The next thing I did was to relax my posture by sitting back to release any muscle tension and then began saying positive affirmations to myself. I began with “I can do this” and created pictures (and movies) in my mind of lots of other occasions where I had overcome adversity to succeed and thought of the feelings I felt afterwards.

Give it a go…now…think of a time you overcame something to achieve a positive result. Close your eyes, remember it as if you were really there, what could you see? What could you hear? What did you say to yourself? How good did you feel? And notice how much better you feel afterwards…

For those of you who were interested, I did become a very good Hypnotist and Mind Magician very quickly and perform regularly at parties and social functions. Do I get nervous? Yes! Do I have the tools to control this? Yes, and now so do you!

Credit Crunch...or new opportunities?

2008-10-27T08:42:00.001-07:00

The news and other media are normally crammed full of negative things that are happening in our world and lately the focus is on the state of the world's financial status and how this could affect us.

I must admit, I don't watch much T.V. as I find a lot of it disempowers me and leaves me feeling flat. But, these negative stories are what sells papers.

I have a friend who, come rain or shine, will tell me a story of something negative that is happening in the world and will proffer advice on why I shouldn't do this or that because of the risks involved. I'm glad I have balance in my life, because I have lots of other friends who are supportive and positive, they look for the ways things can be achieved and the ways to overcome the obstacles in the way to achieve.

One of these friends was telling me this week how he had bought some computer hardware as it was now so cheap, if you look around now is a great time to buy things and invest in yourself.

But the main point I want to make is that any situation in life is what we make it. Our brains are trying to take in 4 million bits of information at anyone time, but we are only able to process 134 of them. So if you are filling these 134 bits with the negative things around you, this will affect the way you feel and consequently your behaviour towards those around you. However, if you choose to read positive books, surround yourself with positive friends, breath fresh air (I love the crispness this time of year) and eat healthy food, guess what? You'll feel a lot more positive and that will affect the way you behave around those you love and care for.

We will always be faced with challenges in our lives, how we deal with these affects, not only the way we feel but whether we succeed in life or not. Sometimes we need help with that, yes, even therapists, but if that can help you achieve want you want more quickly, then it's good enough for me.

Remember, when you're ready to move forward and leave something negative behind, I'm on the end of a telephone.

Call me now on 024 7667 5520, invest in yourself!

Kind regards,

Nick

P.S. If you would like these posts and videos sent to you as a newsletter, please email me at ndhypnotherapy@btinternet.com and put "Subscribe" in the subject box.

Fears and Phobias

2008-09-15T13:40:00.002-07:00

Fears & Phobias: Social Phobias Picture the scene: You are wandering around a supermarket or shopping arcade on your own. As you walk about, you're sure everyone is watching you - and it scares and embarrasses you. You find your heart beating much faster than usual, your throat becomes dry, or you sweat - or a combination of all three. You don't know why it's happening and you can't do anything about it. You panic and you feel you have to leave. Eventually you'll completely avoid the place or situation that made you feel this way. If this sounds like you - and it happens a lot of the time - it could be that you have one of, or a combination of, the following:
Social phobia: This is a fear of being in situations (usually in public) that will involve the sufferer thinking they are being watched or judged in some way. They might feel extreme anxiety that they'll make a fool of themselves in public or continually fear that, by their actions, they'll be putting someone out. They might have very low self-esteem and be extremely self conscious about speaking in public, or meeting new people. They might also have a specific fear of being sick, crying or blushing in public.
Agoraphobia: This is often thought of as a fear of open spaces, but it's actually a fear of feeling anxious wherever the anxiety occurs. These don't always have to be big, open spaces. When someone always avoids a place or situation where anxiety crops up, they become agoraphobic and can't face leaving a place that feels safe to them.
Claustrophobia: Claustrophobia is usually described as a fear of enclosed places. But it's more like a fear of not having an easy escape route. Anyone who experiences this phobia will feel that the predominating feeling is a need to be able to get out or get home very quickly. Claustrophobia means that you might; Immediately look for the way out when you enter a room, dread the moment the doors click shut on a train, hate the thought of using a lift, find car journeys difficult - especially motorways - because of the lack of an easy escape route.Panic Attacks
Panic Attack: A panic attack can be an extreme reaction to your phobia. They have a number of common symptoms like fast heartbeats, tightness in the throat, and dizziness. During a panic attack some people may also be convinced they are about to die and feel a complete and overwhelming need to get away from the situation they're in. These usually occur in late adolescence or early adulthood, but could happen at any stage of life.