"You're Fired!"

People dislike rejection, to a greater or lesser degree.

I have had a small number of experiences in my life where people have been really nasty and/or violent towards purely because I rejected them in some way.

So why is this?

Well this is all to do with how emotionally developed the individual is, as most people rationalise any given situation and behave in ways that help them move forward with their lives.

I quote the next section in italics from my friend Gary Turner’s Blog at http://garysmilerturner.blogspot.com/ as I thought he’d written it so clearly.

The human brain has developed throughout evolution and has been described as having three sections:

Reptilian Brain (Stem Brain)
This handles the body’s basic maintenance systems such as the cardiovascular, digestion, and reproduction.

Mammalian Brain (Limbic Brain)
This is the limbic system and includes emotion and coordination of movement, together with the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). It is a part of the brain that reacts reflexively and instantaneously, without thought, to the world around us. It is responsible for our survival. The actions of the limbic brain are hardwired into our nervous system and are therefore very difficult to disguise or eliminate. This is the part of the brain we will use to our advantage.

Primate Brain (Human Neocortex Brain)
This is the most recent phase of evolution and is the cerebral cortex, responsible for solving problems, language use and development, memories, and creativity.

In times gone by long, long ago, being rejected from a group or relationship could mean the difference between life and death.

We used to rely on our “family”, “clan” or “group” to help us hunt for food (safety in numbers), prepare it and store it, whilst we all looked out for potential dangers to keep our group safe as it kept us safe.

So if there was a dispute between two people, it would usually be resolved by some sort of fight and the winner would remain within the group and the loser would leave.

Or if the individual was at odds with the group they would also be forced to go.

In order to survive this individual would have to join another group very quickly, so they would normally choose a rival group and help bed themselves in quickly by discrediting their old group, often with fabrication and lies.

I’m guessing you’ll recognise this “Mammalian Behaviour” in some people you have encountered in your life.

Now, in today’s society this behaviour is counter productive because people will see us as unstable or untrustworthy and it will harm us in the long run.

So we mostly use our Primate Brain (Human Neocortex Brain) in order to create solutions and behaviours that will help us in the long term. Utilising things like negotiation, compromise and apology to help smooth relationships, both socially and at work.

Now a very odd thing is that human beings enjoy watching other people being spurned.

How many programmes can you think of where people get rejected?

“You’re fired” – The Apprentice
“You are the weakest link, goodbye!” – The Weakest Link
“You have been evicted!” – Big Brother

So why sometimes do we afford ourselves this pleasure of seeing someone else’s misfortune?

Well it’s all to do with the Mammalian Brain (Limbic Brain) allowing us to feel the pleasure from not being ousted or rejected, and thinking “I’m glad that’s not me!”.

So remember, if you find yourself overreacting to a situation, take a few diaphragmatic breaths and ask yourself this question:

What is the outcome I want from this, long term?

Have a fantastic week guys!

Nick